[Dimitri maneuvers himself the way she wants, back to the wall. He prefers it that way, being able to face the door and still see with his good eye. The other he gingerly let press into the top of his arm where he'd laid it up over the pillows above her head to give her more room. Seeing her like this in her nightgown, sprawled next to him in the sheets... Well, it certainly would have been far too much for the Dimitri long ago in academy. He thinks briefly about what he'd have felt like had she invited him here then, as silly teenagers trying to feel something normal... He swallows and meets her gaze.]
[He has to bend his knees just slightly to keep his feet on the bed and in the small space between them he feels his legs gently press against hers.]
Is this fine?
[Somehow the predicament of it, sharing a bed with a girl he'd liked for... over a decade now, somehow made him feel just a bit more normal. The feeling of her hands on his chest is so calming somehow. He wants to kiss her fingers, her palms, up her scarred wrists. Dimitri focuses on her to brush the sudden thoughts away.]
( The thumping of her heart could be felt in her throat. Swallowing back how anxious she felt with their faces only inches away from each other. Edelgard was the one with delusions now. Closing her eyes and leaning in closer to his lips. What face does she make? Doesn’t she just let the man kiss her however he pleases? Waiting and waiting, nothing in return. The moment was wrong. It wasn’t to be. Too embarrassed to answer for her actions, wrapping her arms around him instead, burying her face in his chest.
The room was dimly lit, Edelgard electing to keep one of the candles burning by the bedside. His chest was oddly comforting. Her flushed face stayed under his strong chin, listening to Dimitri’s beating heart. When was the last time she’d been this close to another person? The Emperor was speechless… )
[The way the shadows cast from the candle make her blur at the edges of his vision. It's difficult to see up close anyway, with just one eye, and as her face gets closer to his he wonders if this is the moment she's going to disappear. If she will fade into the corner of his eye and he'll be left on a moldy mattress in the dark. Don't sleep on the floor any longer, please, she told him. You have so much more to live for. Her soft words rang through his mind, casting away the cobwebs, breaking up the voices threatening to drown her out again. If he focused on her it was so quiet, it was just the two of them, where it was safe and warm.]
[She moves to bury her face in his chest and he blinks, coming out of his stupor. Had he fallen asleep? No, he couldn't have. Edelgard was still there with him. He looked at the shadows that fell over her soft hair from the light, places where it made the white strands look far darker than they were. Briefly he remembered how her hair had once been, a pretty light brown he could see snowflakes cling to. Dimitri wraps his free arm around her shoulders, letting her cling against his chest as his own heart races. Being so close to someone was so strange it nearly made him feel... sick? No, that was the wrong word. He longed for something he didn't have the words for. Even though they'd been intimate in the bathhouse having her pressed against him, feeling her body alive and warm and thrumming against him was... so very different. Dimitri shifted to let his face rest against her hair, just barely able to peek out from her head to look at the door when he needed to.]
El... [He feels breathless. His hand clings into the back of her nightgown, bunching the fabric in his grip.] El, I...
[Love you. Miss You. Hate You. Want You. I love you! His heart felt so full. His words wouldn't come out, caught in his throat.]
( His words calmed her. Perhaps he didn’t notice it was meant to be a kiss. Edelgard’s feelings for Dimitri were still very floaty. If she dared to pursue him it would be a chain reaction. Not only would it complicate the war effort which was still very much ongoing outside the peaceful walls of their old school yard, but it wouldn’t end happily ever after like they both wanted it to. They were two different people with very different ideals on how to rule. While he was complacent she was ruthlessly ready for change. The thought circled around Edelgard’s mind over and over again despite her desperate actions. She wanted her dreams and to feel loved… Yet she knows she’ll only get one.
With all those realistic, logical thoughts somehow the sound of his heart drowned them silent. She was exhausted. Before the Adrestian Emperor knew it she was sleeping with her enemy. Dimitri’s warm breath against her hair. His large, masculine hands against her back. Slowly, her own hand started to rub his back softly – gently. Just as she would like to be treated. At least they were both still alive… )
…Yes?
( What did he want to say? What was in the back of his throat struggling to be said? She felt his heart start to race against her ear as Edelgard got comfortable. The thought of so many things she wanted to hear at that moment. )
Edited 2022-02-26 19:00 (UTC)
i only have neutral to feral expressions none of them work for this either lol
[The smell of her soap was so comforting to him. Her hair was still a bit damp from the steam of the sauna and he pressed his nose against it, inhaling her scent. His heart ached in his chest as it pounded, like some unseen force was making him feel overwarm. He was just so unused to being touched, to being held. Even before his five long years in the wilderness, the last time someone had held him had been... As far away in his memory as Duscur. He had been so needy for attention in academy because of it, making his puppy eyes at her or Claude or anyone else who might give him attention. Now that he had it, had her arms around him and holding him, he felt like he might panic.]
[But instead he just relaxes his shoulders, leans into the smell of her soap. His eye flutters shut against her hair.]
Thank you. [His voice still sounds a bit choked, almost tearful. She's making him feel so vulnerable.]
Please... Don't let this be a dream. Promise me...?
I promise… everything is real, Dimitri. You’re not dreaming. You haven’t died… ( An uncontrollable yawn. ) Sleep now. You need your rest.
( That is how their night ended. At least for the Emperor of Adrestia. Edelgard didn’t last much longer being pressed against his warm chest, listening to his heart beat. The truth of their relationship was so very complicated. From childhood crush, to someone she’d forgotten, to whatever he’d become. Now more than ever Dimitri needed structure brought back into his life. The kind of tender loving care that no one was left to allot him. Was it in her hands now? To fix him, pick up the pieces and put him back together? Was there still a man that could kiss her underneath the madness that spinned around inside his head?
Yet another dream came to her in the night. Another memory, like breadcrumbs leading her into the past she followed them into the dark. What she found was a snow covered courtyard, a stable filled with horses and pegasus, a proud king with a tendency to spoil a little price, a warm fireplace with a bearskin rug, a ballroom with arched stained glass windows… A place once forgotten. A dream not a nightmare. She taught him how to dance, they frolicked in the snow, and Edelgard missed her father. It wasn’t a nightmare, yet… she felt just as painful. He was there in her final moments of happiness. Kind, timid and gentle. Naive and sweet, sheltered from the wrongs of his world.
He kissed her… That was the first time. It was the last time.
Edelgard didn’t speak of her tears when she woke. The circles under his eyes told her everything – Dimitri hadn’t slept. Not much at least. There was no more time for sleep, however. They had woken late. When she’d opened the bedroom door, Hubert was waiting for her. She will most likely never forget the look in his eyes. Terrified – as if the door would open and his beloved’s head would have rolled to his feet. A cocktail of emotion so rarely expressed… Somehow, between the two men’s animosity for one another, Edelgard managed to get dressed and proper. As for Dimitri they didn’t exactly have a change of clothing but she did manage to make him sit and allow her brush to rip through the rats in his hair. Perhaps it was his jealousy of Hubert that allowed Edelgard so close to his scalp.
The dining hall was filled with familiar faces. Those that had been missing graced the halls of Garreg Mach Monastery. Among those souls included Dimitri’s old classmates. Sylvain and Ingrid are some of the first to approach him. It was around this time that Edelgard distanced herself from him, allowing his friend to shower him with overstimulating attention. She vanished into the background along with Hubert in hopes to avoid any talks of the ongoing war. Having kept herself far out of reach of those that opposed her. She steered clear of Mister Riegan. Though, inevitably, she was forced into a conversion with her long lost teacher.
The lack of productivity was eating away at Edelgard. Typically, she would be sitting around a round table with her most trusted knights planning their next move. However, in the halls of their old school yard a promise has been made. They would keep their weapons sheathed – peace for teacher. A promise Edelgard was willing to keep despite her anxious desires to keep moving. She wonders how far her targets have roamed. Wishing they could find even one more clue to their whereabouts.
The books of the library she had read only a thousand times. Not to mention they had been filtered by the church all those years ago there was little information left to gain from them. However, as if fate knew of her nervous boredom, yet another familiar face finds her in the form of dear Constance. It seems the people of Abyss continued to find shelter in its halls even after the war began. She invited the curious Emperor to their expanded library of information. Of course, this was just another chance for Constance to plead for a crumb of power. Nonetheless, Edelgard found herself in the catacombs of the Abyss. Investigating into information that had once been long lost to time. Hubert doing God’s work in keeping Constance entertained while she studied. Though, she was sure soon enough they would trade off for his own curiosity was surely teased by this collection. If anyone were to be looking for her they would find her in the Abyss. )
[Dimitri had spent the night slipping in and out of consciousness. He had been grievously injured in the five years he'd spent alone and one night of washing and caring wasn't going to change that. Still, he was terrified that what had happened in the last few hours wasn't real. That he would wake up somewhere filthy and cold with his head splitting in pain and fever. The voices whispering in his head wouldn't help, pleading with him to do something about the woman currently in his arms. So he had laid there for hours, falling asleep in exhaustion for a while before his dreams or his pain woke him with a start and he had to once again make sure Edelgard really true was still there sleeping in his arms. When light finally broke through the window in the morning his vision was bleary but it helped chase the ghosts of his mind away.]
[She looked so beautiful sleeping in the morning light.]
[He'd stared, not realising he'd fallen back asleep until she was pushing at his chest to wake up. He was slow to move, watching her slide out of bed and go to the door before he even shifted up to sit on the edge of the bed. Dimitri watches her exchange with Hubert (for more clothes, something like that,) unmoving from where he sat, and was even so bold as to keep his eye on her as she busied herself around the room getting herself ready. Something about the way she spoke to her servant made him feel strangely irritated, and he was glad to see the ghoulish man disappear when the door shut. It was enough to let her stand in front of him between his thighs, leaning his face into the shoulder of her dress as her brush pulled and ripped through years worth of knots in his hair. Ultimately, it would need cut but she had been determined to put it into some kind of order.]
[Breakfast had been too much for him. Everyone wanted to speak to him, to be near to him. Friends faces who had haunted him in his long exile were there now smiling and talking to him as if nothing had ever happened. It was only teacher, after Edelgard had left, who saved him from the pressuring of others to take him to the cathedral. It was more cleaned up than it had been when Edelgard had come to find him but nothing else mattered when he saw who was waiting for him. Standing next to Mercedes in the heavenly light filtered through the stained glass of the church was Dedue. No phantom, no farce. Dedue. The next few hours had been a blur for Dimitri, unable to see through tears that stung and made him shake. Between teacher, Mercedes, and Dedue (his Dedue) they had been able to... subdue Dimitri enough to actually look at all of his injuries and get to tending them.]
[It was hours later that the fallen prince had finally had enough of the fussing and prodding and attention. He'd also realised he hadn't seen Edelgard in... how long? How long had it been since she had left him with his companions, with teacher? She was never here to begin with. Why would she be here? She killed all your friends. She's in Enbarr, you're going to tear her to shreds-- Dimitri had stormed away from the others as his thoughts got loud and angry, tearing through the grounds looking for any sign of the emperor at all. After a (terrifying for her, probably,) altercation with Lysithea when he had spotted her white hair, she had pointed him in the direction she'd seen Edelgard and Constance go earlier in the day. Down into the Abyss. It had been many years since then, but Dimitri was no stranger to the winding corridors underneath Garreg Mach. He'd even chased some of the rats out of it when he'd arrived at the monastery... who knew how long ago. Protecting the place for teacher's eventual return.]
[He finds her in the dusty library looking... more like himself. In clothes that fit him, though still nothing meant for war. A soft blue shirt that tied at the neck, black trousers, boots on his feet. Mercedes had worked herself through the night so that their (former? future?) king would have clothes to wear when he came back from the dead. His right eye was bandaged now, white tape holding everything in place at his hairline and across his cheek. They had scrubbed his wounds thoroughly, bandaged him, healed him where they could. Teacher and Dedue had held him down while Mercedes crawled on top of him to dig filth out of his eye socket. If Edelgard hadn't been in Abyss she might have heard his screams. Now his head just felt dull and throbbed incessantly. Dimitri almost seems human as he scrapes a chair across the floor behind her and turns it to sit close by, leaning onto the back of it.]
Finally... Thank the Goddess you are somewhere quiet.
[There's no way he would have been able to tolerate more noise. More fussing. More crying.]
El... I thought-- [That you had disappeared, that you had never been there at all.]
( Edelgard turned to face him at the sound of his voice. It was low and gravely so she could tell Dimitri wasn’t exactly in the mood for too much company. The feeling was mutual… It is why she took Constance’s offer to come down here in the first place. )
I see you found me.
( She took a moment to place the book she had been studying on the reading desk in front of her. Many more books had been piled on top of one another. Needless to say, Edelgard had found plenty of entertainment. )
… And it seems someone has tended to your wounds. That’s wonderful, I hope you’re feeling better.
( Her eyes looked him up and down, noticing all the little things. Most of all his new clothing which suited him. The outfit was fitting for someone of his stature. )
You’re beginning to look more like yourself, Dimitri.
( Her voice was in that serious, motherly pitch Edelgard often had. Moving closer to break the distance between them. From scrubbing his face little blonde hairs poked from his chin, breaking free from their grimy prison. You could see how red his skin was under the patch. It had surely been sanitized finally. Dimitri hadn’t just gotten taller and wider but manlier over the five years he’d been missing. That once sweet babyface was no more. Like a puppy growing into their paws. )
[He looks at her over the top of the chair, leaning his arms onto it. He seems cleaner and more aware, for certain. He can focus on her, squint at the book she'd been looking at. His vision had suffered with his injury, he couldn't disguise that, but he's at least attentive for the first time since their reunion. His hair was messier than when she'd brushed it in the morning but nowhere near as tangled as it had been. Once Dedue and Mercedes had gotten ahold of him he hadn't had a chance to revert back to the dirty mess Edelgard had pulled him out of.]
Do I?
[He felt better, at least physically. He lifts a hand to rub at the stubble on his chin she had noticed idly, as the blond eyelashes of his visible eye flutter over his cheek.]
My... my head still aches. [He was feeling better than before, that was obvious, but...]
They had to-- [Dimitri motions vaguely to his bandaged eye.] Erm, clean it.
[But that was gross to talk about, wasn't it? He frowns at the memory. He tries to remember how to make conversation as he sits there, looking at the emperor sitting so closely to him. They had both changed so much, he wasn't sure... how to do much of anything anymore.]
( An attempt was made to not make a sour expression at his remark regarding his eye. Horrible memories of how it looked just the night before came rushing back. Edelgard shook the thought from her mind. Trying to show a little respect for whatever pride he might have left. )
Eventful. It seems much of the literature that might have once been on the monastery’s shelves found its way here. I’m surprised some of it survived considering its subject matter.
( The book that laid open faced on the desk was titled “The Truth of the Heroes' Relics” – many of the pages were missing. Half of the text was illegible. Many of the books in this library were damaged in some way or another. There was a book that lacked every single page except the table of context… “Words of Love” signed with Seteth’s signature of all things. It had kept her rather entertained throughout the day sifting through such forbindin information. )
I wouldn’t call all of it valuable. There is an old recipe I found lodged between the pages of another book that most certainly prepared for my ancestors at one point. ( Taking an old scrap of paper from the desk. ) Tell me how it sounds; ( A smile cracks over her lips. ) Moose meat, though beef or horse was used as a substitute. A Goddess Messenger, a rare fish found in Fódlan waters. One Zanado Treasure Fruit – though boa fruit can be substituted. Finally the seasonings; Adrestian rock salt, herbs from Faerghus, and honey from Leicester.
This was a special dish served to new emperors. I’m not sure what to think of it. Although it does sound on the sweeter side. Harty and sweet.
( As for the rest of the collection that was best left outside of Dimitri’s reach. There were subjects he wasn’t ready for that would simply rile him up. The angry, delusional Dimitri from yesterday was staying so composed. He truly was his father’s “good boy” when he wanted to be. Edelgard couldn’t help but gaze at the remains of the man. The blonde stubble reminded her so much of Lambert. Those same crystal blue eyes… Sadly, only one was left. Dimitri truly did look like the splitting image of his father now that he was fully grown. Such a strong jawline with golden blonde hair. His image had burned into the back of her brain. Thinking about him constantly throughout her day.
Edelgard’s violet eyes stare so intently… What was this feeling? She missed his company. Yet, what was there to miss? The man was deranged… lost… needy for her love, her touch, her... )
[Dimitri listens to her talk, only digesting about half of the words. It makes him feel normal, listening to a quiet voice reading in a dusty library. Looking at her sitting at the reading desk, like when they'd studied so many moons ago. They had never been close in academy, but he could picture her sitting and reading like it was yesterday. Her long hair tied with her ribbons, the red cape over her shoulder being pulled tighter across her for warmth as she looked over texts for their assignments. She had always thought Garreg Mach was cold, something Dimitri would have scoffed at then. Really, he still would if she voiced the complaint. It was warm and sometimes humid at the monestary, nothing like the cold he'd grown up in. Somehow the recipe she reads brings back memories of that.]
[His father had brought down a creature bigger than he'd ever seen before, a hulking moose that he'd tracked for miles through the snow. Its antlers had been wider than his father was tall when he and Rodrigue had held them up proudly. Dimitri and Felix had looked on in awe, cheering for their fathers when they returned to where they had waited in the warmth of a cabin near the northern palace, their tiny cheeks red from cold as they ran all around in the snow. It had become a trophy, stuffed and hung on the wall above the hearth with its rack polished to shine. They had eaten the meat all winter.]
[Although it does sound on the sweeter side, Edelgard was saying. Dimitri looked from where his gaze had fallen to her pink little mouth back to meet her eye.]
I have had moose before, though not prepared that way.
[He kept trying to remember how they had cooked it. All he could think of was the jerky his father would give to him for snacks. It had been salty and he'd eat it by the handfuls between his meals.]
Nor have I heard of the fruit... [He was talking much like he would have so long ago, as a boy in academy or even before that.]
[The pounding in his head was drowning out whatever whispering of the dead he might hear along with her voice. Dimitri rubs his chin again in thought.]
Well... emperor, would you have eaten it if served to you?
[It's the closest he might get to a joke.]
[Even the mention of her as emperor makes his thoughts scream a moment but he closes his eye to will them away like the throbbing in his skull.]
( She ponders the question a moment before answering; )
Considering the labor that goes into such a dish it would only be rude of me to refuse.
( Putting the fragile old note back into the safety of another book. Standing and hovering around to the front of the desk, her gloved fingers tracing the path across the surface. Edelgard wasn’t dressed in her war etire. Rather, it was something far more casual. A red dress that covered her arms, long as it reached her ankles, with a white blouse that hid her neck and wrists. A pair of black heeled boots that she didn’t consider all that fancy. Nothing she would wear to a ball – maybe for tea. Dimitri seemed rather out of it that morning so perhaps he hadn’t taken in her choice of dress. )
Though, I’m not too sure I’d like moose. What does it taste like?
( Her long white hair was thrown in a side ponytail, feeling the crown overcomplicated the outfit. She wandered past him, finding a spot on one of the old leather loveseats. They were down a flight of stairs, with more comfortable seating along with reading desks on the lower level of the library. Waiting for Dimitri to gaze back before patting the spot vacant beside her. The longer they spent together the warmer she felt. Edelgard’s heart was beating so loudly… unsure as to why. Thinking back to their time in the snow had her nostalgic in ways she thought she’d never feel again. Dimitri’s soft childish face so vividly in her mind. )
*trying to have a romantic moment with the girl he likes* his brain: lmao bet
[Dimitri breathed out, watching her move around him. She looked smaller in her clothes now, with no cape or shoulder pads to enhance her silhouette. Edelgard was a tiny, dainty sort of woman. The way the white lace pressed into her near-white skin at her neck made his gaze linger there. Won't you rip her head from her shoulders? Stain it with her red red red blood! Twist her neck! Kill the bitch-- Dimitri swallows, eye following her over to the sofa, seeing her body sink into the well-worn leather. Slowly he stands, one hand gripped to the top of the chair as the vertigo took him. Everything felt like he was swimming for a moment, as his head throbbed and his ears rang.]
[He straightened his shoulders and walked over to her when the room stopped spinning, taking her invitation to sit next to her. While she was small and sunk into the cushions he was tall enough his feet stayed planted firmly on the floor, his wide shoulders taking up most of his half of the loveseat. His legs stay spread in front of him, hands resting on his knees as he collects his thoughts.]
[What does it taste like? He leans back and without thinking he stretches one arm out across the back of the couch, his hand ending up near her shoulder.]
...Leaner than beef. They eat the buds off of willow trees, so sometimes the meat has a floral taste.
[It was like his father was talking to him again. He remembered the explanation for Why does it taste different, papochka? like Lambert was sitting across from them and his head jerks a little to look at the desk again just to make sure but of course his father is gone. It's almost as if he can feel his gaze on them, as Dimitri sits with the young lady his father had loved hearing so much about. Would you be proud of me, papochka? He tries to will the thought away, as well as the stare of his father.]
[He already knows the answer.]
It's more... The smell is stronger. I liked it.
[As if shrinking back from his father's eye, he leans closer to her on the sofa, forcing himself to look at her instead of the desk.]
Edited 2022-03-03 03:42 (UTC)
she wishes dimitri's mental illness wouldn't get in the way of her romantic moment
( The way his sight moved from her to the desk. It was like Dimitri saw a ghost. The smile on Edelgard’s lips fades somewhat, wondering what he could be thinking about. It seemed the more she tried to keep his eye fixated on her the more it strayed. This game one played with the opposite sex twisted her heart like a pinch to the skin. )
Well, if it is leaner… then perhaps I would enjoy it.
( Her hands rested in her lap, legs closed like a proper lady. Edelgard takes so little space compared to Dimitri’s large physique. The thought of how close they could be makes her feel shy. Glancing over to his chest. A dangerous thought of how comfortable it had been last night. It made her cheeks flush in memory. Fingers rubbing together, fidgeting and soon fumbling around with her stick of beeswax to rub a bit more of it onto her lips. The air of Garreg Mach was so dry and had always been too cold for her liking. )
You know, the professor once told me that the Zanado treasure fruit was something she’d been attempting to grow in the monastery’s garden. Apparently it is a rare breed of fruit that requires cross breeding between different fruits and flowers.
( Was she being awkward? Usually conversation with your typical noble man wasn’t a huge challenge for her. Was it because Dimitri wasn’t typical? Or was it her feelings getting in the way…? Having avoided so many voices that begged to reason with her today Edelgard was starting to feel as if perhaps she didn’t deserve happiness like this… It was fate keeping his attention away from her. Getting all in her head about every little thing that transpired between them. )
"didi could you just stop being mentally ill for one fucking second thx 💋"
[The motion of her rubbing the wax into her lips catches his attention and the looks at her so... intently. It makes her lips so shiny and plump looking, even in the yellow light of the candles in the library. Wouldn't it be embarrassing, if his father was watching them? Or perhaps it would be like when they were young and... His thoughts trailed as he lifted the hand from his knee to his own lips, touching them idly. They were raw and cracked. He wondered how horrible he really looked. He had avoided any mirrors in Edelgard's room like the plague, hating the image of himself that looked back from his reflection. Nothing like her, refined and soft and plump.]
[He swallowed.]
That sounds... difficult.
[Dimitri can't focus on the fruit right now, whatever it might look like. Probably like this. He wants to reach out and take her hand that's fidgeting with the beeswax. Hadn't his father wanted them to be close? Wouldn't he approve? It's impulse alone that makes Dimitri reach over and press his big hand over hers. Her gloves are silky against his calloused palm. He wishes he could feel her bare skin. What did he want? The wax for his lips? To hold her hand? He wanted so badly to--]
[His mouth feels dry.]
I don't know the first thing about plants, though.
[Dedue probably knows, he thinks. Dedue is alive. The thought makes his chest burn. He curls his fingers around hers, his thumb presses against her palm.]
[She always wore gloves, but he had seen her bare hands the night before. She had touched him so tenderly.]
( Edelgard’s body goes stiff when he grabs her hand. Dimitri was still so rough with his actions though she assumes he doesn't mean it by his words. Her lip ointment still in her fingers, resting in a gold plated tube Hubert had given her on her last nameday. )
…Do you want this?
( The fallen king isn’t the only one who was a little dense. Edelgard not really understanding what Dimitri was looking to gain. She fantasized about him kissing her but that was the extent of it. Just fantasy. It wasn’t like she was intentionally flirting with him but rubbing wax on her lips… A bit of ignorance surrounding her choices.
He… only continued to pull her arm closer. Less like he wanted to kiss her and more like he wanted Edelgard to apply the beeswax for him. With a strike of dominance, she never did like being manhandled, she pulled herself from his grip only to take his cheek with her palm and applying the ointment with the other. )
Try and use your words, Dimitri.
( Scolding him like a mother…
His lips were rather chapped. She couldn’t bear to have cracked, painful lips so perhaps the feeling was mutual. With the way his mind had been the past 24 hours Edelgard wasn’t all that surprised at the way he requested things. )
[They had been so young when they met, but Dimitri had still known a few things about the world. About girls. He had liked Edelgard so much he had cried about her for months after she left, missing her so dearly. They had done so many things, experienced so many 'firsts' together. He remembered sitting with her in front of the fire after a long time in the snow and given tea to warm back up. Why is there jam? Edelgard hadn't understood so many of Faerghus's traditions that to a young Dimitri he couldn't figure out how she couldn't know. For the tea? Eww... Her little hands had been pink holding her warm cup, pouting down at the black tea he was attempting to heap marmalade into.]
[It isn't gross, El! It's good! Do you want to try mine first? He'd looked so hopeful, offering his teacup forward.]
[She had pressed her mouth to the same spot he had sipped it from.]
[An indirect kiss.]
[Dimitri stares at her as she touches his face and lifts the beeswax to his mouth. He wished that she wasn't wearing her gloves, that he could feel her skin against his. The silk of them is soothing despite it and he leans into the touch, lets her rub the wax into his lips. It feels soothing. Dimitri had once been a sticker for his appearance, making sure his hair and clothes were tidy, rubbing wax into his lips every morning and night. He's leaning so close to her now he has to tilt his head in her hand to see her better, his lone eye focusing slowly as her face blurred at the edges. The hand that had grabbed hers rested uselessly on his lap now. He wants to touch her face too, but would she let him?]
... Thank you. It feels nice.
[He hoped she didn't let go of his face. He didn't want her to stop.]
[Doesn't it taste lovely, El? He had grinned big and happy as she drank his tea instead of hers. I guess so, Didi. She had been smiling too.]
Edited 2022-03-03 18:19 (UTC)
comment 69 was el putting lip gloss on him I just realized B)
( Edelgard had everything under control until his face started to press into her hand. Self awareness catching up with her, realizing their situation and what she was doing. His lips relaxed, gaze so incredibly fixated on her, feeling his warm breath against her fingertips as the wax was applied. She was wearing gloves, yes. They were silky, having grown attached to a particular tailor in Enbarr, they allowed for temperature to be felt through them. A thin layer between her and the world. That’s what it felt like to constantly cover her body.
They had always been chapped… ever since they were children… That’s right… She remembers him now.
Little pieces of the past follow Edelgard – unable to remove their grip on her soul. How could she forget the feeling of a boy’s lips when they pressed to hers? What courage he must have mustered. How he must have missed her when they took her away. Her hand rubbed along his jaw where blonde hair was sprouting. No longer a boy. Dimitri was a man. They were both grown and – oh, how feelings changed when you’re grown. His stubble rubbed against the slick fabric of her gloves. How she would love to feel his skin against her own, raw and exposed in the dim light of the forgotten old library. )
…It does…
( His face, it feels nice. She forgot about the wax. Edelgard meant his face. Her hands still pressed to his skin. The stick lifted from his lips as she continued staring at them. Her violet eyes mesmerized—
A gulp, what had she been doing? A question asked so many times. Unsure… quick moments as she removed her touch. Placing her gaze on the tube, closing it once more. Love. That’s what this lipstick container made her think of. Someone she loved unconditionally. Her thumb caressed the case. Did she feel that way about Dimitri, too? Her heart raced at the thought. What made everything about him feel so different…? )
Excuse me.
( A blush made its way over her pale cheeks. Thinking about loving him was… too much. She shouldn’t. They couldn’t. Her head hung, facing downward, back into the abyss. Shameful, awful, childish… love. )
[When she stops rubbing the wax on his lips, Dimitri presses them together to rub it smoothly between them without thinking. It had been a long time since he felt such a comfort but it comes back to him without any kind of issue of texture or --well, still no taste. He can never tell if it gets in his mouth or not. The blend she uses is more feminine, perhaps, he can smell the scent of makeup in it. Or perhaps it's from her face, as close as she is. Dimitri watches her look down, her hair tickling his face at the motion. I never want to hurt you, he thinks, taking in her red cheeks and her shy behavior. That was what it was, right? She was... being shy, something he could barely remember strong, prideful Edelgard showing to the world.]
[Something precious.]
Don't, El, I...
[She had told him to use his words, but what was there to say? Everything he attempted caught in his throat. He inhaled slowly, the scent of her makeup and perfume strong in his nose. The smell of her, as she was, enveloping her whole. Though she'd reacted to him grabbing her hand by pulling away he acts on another impulse. He cups her cheek in his huge hand and pulls her head back to face him. What kind of man are you? The voice whispering to him sounds more like his own this time, as he stares down into her violet eyes. She's blurry this close to his face, his nose bumps into hers as he tries to maneuver himself. You want to do it, so do it! Rip her-- Hold her-- Kiss her, Dima, you fool. His thumb pressed to her cheek with just a bit more purpose.]
[He misses once, his waxy lips push against the corner of her mouth. Then he moves just slightly, and kisses her for real.]
( All this time she’d been pulled at the puppet strings. Completely alone minus the times Hubert accompanied her. Like holding the candlestick to light her darkness. A shared misery. Only now as her plan inches closer to cutting free from her shackles does it come crashing down. Teacher wasn’t taking her side. The bloodshed would end… as would her dreams. That’s what it felt like to love Dimitri. A fool's endeavor, giving up before it’s over. She played right into their hands — those that slither in the dark. Enacting their plans and fulfilling their wishes. The blood on her hands, their victim fell into place. Not just her sacrifice, either. Those that stayed loyal, people who lost their lives… Giving up now made it all feel worthless. She had people who believed in her, that wanted to share her dream.
How could she let her feelings spit on their sacrifice? Loving him would only create more division. It wasn’t like she was worth having as a wife. Those were the thoughts racing through her mind before Dimitri cupped her cheek. A woman not worth loving… A relationship not worth having—
That was before he pressed his lips to her own.
A shocked expression, brow arching from inexperience. Was she kissing him right? Pressing her face into his large palm and closing her eyes. Edelgard could count on her fingers the number of mutual kisses she’d received in life. Placing her soft silky gloved hand over his own. Letting time stop as they both exchanged their passions.
To love Dimitri was dangerous, it was reckless and it was everything she’d ever wanted.
When it ended Edelgard started it once more. Keeping Dimitri’s mouth against her. Taking in every precious second. Save her, walk with her… share her dream. The loneliness was too much to bear. )
[Dimitri had no way of knowing if he was doing it right either. He of course had his memories-- of El as a child and again in academy on a fateful night of spin the bottle, of boys in academy who Dimitri had let too close, been too intimate with. But that was five years ago, five years of suffering and loneliness. Dimitri wasn't sure if he could do anything 'normal' the right way. So when she takes his hand and holds him, when she kisses him again when he's pulling back-- it helps. It helps so much.]
[All he can hear is the pounding of blood in his ears and the soft noises of her mouth against his.]
[The arm he'd rested along the top of the couch drops to curl around her shoulders, big hand pressing into the fabric of her dress at her waist. He pulls her closer against his chest as the kiss deepens. The hand on her face doesn't move, his thumb dragging down her soft skin as he tips his head one way and then the other, chasing each kiss she bestows on him, eye shut as he loses himself to the sensation. It's passionate, it's warm. He wishes he could taste her, even if it was only the beeswax. He wanted to inhale her breath, taste her tongue, envelope himself in her very being. He wanted to drown in her mouth.]
( Edelgard’s hands go to his chest. She pushes her weight onto the large, fortress of a man bending her over and dipping them both into a passionate kiss. She’s never truly kissed someone like this before. In academy, she once allowed herself the thought. Only once. She might never forget the morning she spent with Hubert, heart fluttering, mind exhausted from the lack of sleep. He had touched the sides of her skull, pulling back her hair and readying it for those purple bows Edelgard fancied. She’d been patting her foundation into her skin when his gentle hands touched her, like they always did. Every single morning. Her fingers were shaking.
She remembers saying his name, turning around in her chair to face him. Soft cheeks covered in a blush her foundation couldn’t remove. Her white eyelashes fluttered against her face, brows arched, feeling more timid than she perhaps had ever felt before. It was strange, thinking about love…
When she had returned from her long excursion away from the empire, Edelgard had returned with a ghostly complexion. Her hair turned white, her eyes expressionless and cold. Any little thought threatened to take her back there, to the chambers caused her such suffering. Hubert was her kindness back then. She’ll never forget his tears upon finally being with her again. Recovery came with time…
She once thought that perhaps they could have been… in love. He had been the only person in her life that knew all her suffering, all her pain. Hubert had been there all this time, he helped her recover, he helped her feel these things. To love…—She— She had stood up, pushing the chair away from between them. Edelgard remembers struggling to say much. Placing her hands on his chest and awkwardly pulling him down onto her naked lips. She’d closed her eyes. Her Hubert’s lips unmoving, his breath held… When it was finally broken she swore off romance there and then. The kiss was not returned. He explained himself, of course, that his love for her was deeper than some surface level romantic desires. Perhaps he’d been shy at the moment, as well. If they were to court, it would ruin her image, it would muddy their plans… she needed to stay focused, and he would be there every step of the way to support her.
Hubert had broken her heart that day.
Now, over fives years later, she was once again pressing her lips to a man’s. The boy from her memories, her first love. A love she felt during a time of complete innocence. Back when they were both still babes speaking the warmth of their families. Her hands grip the fabric of his soft shirt, kissing him so gently. Edelgard keeps her eyes closed and her lips puckered. If she were to be blessed with one final request it would be for this moment with Dimitri to never end. She was once again… falling in love. )
[Dimitri is of two minds, quite literally. Part of him is screaming at the disrespect of even doing such a thing with Edelgard. That he should be rending her head from her shoulders, tearing her to pieces, destroying her for the deaths of everyone her war has affected. It doesn't matter that her mouth is soft and pouted against his, that the scent of her drives him mad with desire, that her tiny hands feel too good against his chest for him to ever tear her away. He shouldn't care about such things, couldn't. The other half of him yearns for her just as he always had back then, in the snow. Back in the academy. And even now, seeing her once again made flesh in front of him, offering him healing and comfort and touch. The other half of him sits nearby on the sofa. There's a blush on the boyish face of the prince just barely out of childhood, eyes wide and sparkling.]
[She's so lovely, he says from behind little hands, shy as ever. El, you became so beautiful.]
[The Dimitri in the present blinks and they're alone again, a pause in the kissing the only indication that his mind has been elsewhere at all.]
[Edelgard is so beautiful. She has become a woman, she is everything Dimitri could have ever wanted. His father had smiled at them too. Perhaps, despite everything, Edelgard is still meant for him. Perhaps they are still meant to be together.]
[He curls his arm tighter around her and pulls her up against him, halfway onto his lap, and holds her close to his chest. He wants to crush her there, never let her go, feel her warm lively body thrum against his and let him know they were alive they're alive they're alive-- Dimitri kisses her again, more deeply now. With more conviction.]
( She feels the blush on her cheeks grow, the heat covering her face. No longer did Dimitri smell like a corpse, did he look unwanted and thrown away, dirty and mamed. He wasn’t the prince from her memories, he wasn’t even the teen from academy… He was a man now, his agony shaping him into the person he was today.
They were kissing… kissing harder than Edelgard had ever been kissed before. It was her pride that deepens it when Dimitri does, taking his initiative to devour her mouth and brushing her tongue on his chapped lips. What was she doing? In the halls of the abyss, away from the noise of the world. Alone and vulnerable with a man who twisted her heart. Edelgard has always been a cold and aloof girl, so says the people around here. Her violet eyes could steal themselves and show nothing but the dark, empty fog of her soul behind them. But here, tightly wrapped in the arms of a lover… the painful tug of desire pulls at her heartstrings. It pumps blood through her veins, it warms her skin, it touches the darkness like a lighted torch. Dimitri was attempting to find her in the mists of her being, drag her back with him and share their broken reality together.
Her hands shove against his chest soon after her mouth sucks on his bottom lip. They can’t— They simply can’t—! A small and forgin sound squeaks from her throat when their mouths seese to be pressed. Slowly did her violet eyes open to stare at him, they glissen with passion. )
T-That’s… we shouldn’t—
( ’I just want to hear his voice…’ Her mind betrays. She wants to hear him say how wants her, how he desires her. Edelgard swears that they’ve kissed before…somewhere, long ago, in the cold winter’s snow. She had closed her eyes and felt it back then. His warm breath on her chilled skin, chapped lips, a strong hold over her small arms. That boy was Dimitri…
She wants to say, ‘I am the Emperor of Adrestia!’, ‘You are the fallen king of my enemy.’, ‘We can never be! We shouldn’t do this…’, 'Don't you know what you're doing? Don't you understand?',
‘Dimitri… I love you.’
Edelgard simply stares at him. )
imagine i have an icon where his eye is welling up with tears in a pretty cry way
[Everything in his being is telling him that they shouldn't-- When she voices the words aloud Dimitri feels his heart wrench. Would she reject him again? Would she pretend this never happened, pretend that she doesn't even know him? Would she laugh like she always does, spit on his face, dig her fingers into his throbbing eyes and then disappear into the fog of his mind once more?]
[Dimitri feels, for the first time, like he has Edelgard in his grasp. She could not dissipate into mist between his fingers, not anymore. He grabs her by the arms as she pulls back from the kiss, holding her too tightly in his strong grip.]
No... No, El.
[He's not the crazed beast from before ranting and raving at her, but he isn't so ill he's shaking and hallucinating either. He looks at her with sense behind his lone blue eye, a frown pulling his mouth tight.]
I don't care, I--
[The blond takes in a breath.]
I need this, I need you... El, please. Don't pretend any longer, please.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
you could both fit on the bed if you laid on his chest el 👀🥴
[He has to bend his knees just slightly to keep his feet on the bed and in the small space between them he feels his legs gently press against hers.]
Is this fine?
[Somehow the predicament of it, sharing a bed with a girl he'd liked for... over a decade now, somehow made him feel just a bit more normal. The feeling of her hands on his chest is so calming somehow. He wants to kiss her fingers, her palms, up her scarred wrists. Dimitri focuses on her to brush the sudden thoughts away.]
Come closer, if you need.
noooo!!! she would die
The room was dimly lit, Edelgard electing to keep one of the candles burning by the bedside. His chest was oddly comforting. Her flushed face stayed under his strong chin, listening to Dimitri’s beating heart. When was the last time she’d been this close to another person? The Emperor was speechless… )
he'd keep you extra warm 🥰🥰
[She moves to bury her face in his chest and he blinks, coming out of his stupor. Had he fallen asleep? No, he couldn't have. Edelgard was still there with him. He looked at the shadows that fell over her soft hair from the light, places where it made the white strands look far darker than they were. Briefly he remembered how her hair had once been, a pretty light brown he could see snowflakes cling to. Dimitri wraps his free arm around her shoulders, letting her cling against his chest as his own heart races. Being so close to someone was so strange it nearly made him feel... sick? No, that was the wrong word. He longed for something he didn't have the words for. Even though they'd been intimate in the bathhouse having her pressed against him, feeling her body alive and warm and thrumming against him was... so very different. Dimitri shifted to let his face rest against her hair, just barely able to peek out from her head to look at the door when he needed to.]
El... [He feels breathless. His hand clings into the back of her nightgown, bunching the fabric in his grip.] El, I...
[Love you. Miss You. Hate You. Want You. I love you! His heart felt so full. His words wouldn't come out, caught in his throat.]
no icon moment
With all those realistic, logical thoughts somehow the sound of his heart drowned them silent. She was exhausted. Before the Adrestian Emperor knew it she was sleeping with her enemy. Dimitri’s warm breath against her hair. His large, masculine hands against her back. Slowly, her own hand started to rub his back softly – gently. Just as she would like to be treated. At least they were both still alive… )
…Yes?
( What did he want to say? What was in the back of his throat struggling to be said? She felt his heart start to race against her ear as Edelgard got comfortable. The thought of so many things she wanted to hear at that moment. )
i only have neutral to feral expressions none of them work for this either lol
[But instead he just relaxes his shoulders, leans into the smell of her soap. His eye flutters shut against her hair.]
Thank you. [His voice still sounds a bit choked, almost tearful. She's making him feel so vulnerable.]
Please... Don't let this be a dream. Promise me...?
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( That is how their night ended. At least for the Emperor of Adrestia. Edelgard didn’t last much longer being pressed against his warm chest, listening to his heart beat. The truth of their relationship was so very complicated. From childhood crush, to someone she’d forgotten, to whatever he’d become. Now more than ever Dimitri needed structure brought back into his life. The kind of tender loving care that no one was left to allot him. Was it in her hands now? To fix him, pick up the pieces and put him back together? Was there still a man that could kiss her underneath the madness that spinned around inside his head?
Yet another dream came to her in the night. Another memory, like breadcrumbs leading her into the past she followed them into the dark. What she found was a snow covered courtyard, a stable filled with horses and pegasus, a proud king with a tendency to spoil a little price, a warm fireplace with a bearskin rug, a ballroom with arched stained glass windows… A place once forgotten. A dream not a nightmare. She taught him how to dance, they frolicked in the snow, and Edelgard missed her father. It wasn’t a nightmare, yet… she felt just as painful. He was there in her final moments of happiness. Kind, timid and gentle. Naive and sweet, sheltered from the wrongs of his world.
He kissed her… That was the first time. It was the last time.
Edelgard didn’t speak of her tears when she woke. The circles under his eyes told her everything – Dimitri hadn’t slept. Not much at least. There was no more time for sleep, however. They had woken late. When she’d opened the bedroom door, Hubert was waiting for her. She will most likely never forget the look in his eyes. Terrified – as if the door would open and his beloved’s head would have rolled to his feet. A cocktail of emotion so rarely expressed… Somehow, between the two men’s animosity for one another, Edelgard managed to get dressed and proper. As for Dimitri they didn’t exactly have a change of clothing but she did manage to make him sit and allow her brush to rip through the rats in his hair. Perhaps it was his jealousy of Hubert that allowed Edelgard so close to his scalp.
The dining hall was filled with familiar faces. Those that had been missing graced the halls of Garreg Mach Monastery. Among those souls included Dimitri’s old classmates. Sylvain and Ingrid are some of the first to approach him. It was around this time that Edelgard distanced herself from him, allowing his friend to shower him with overstimulating attention. She vanished into the background along with Hubert in hopes to avoid any talks of the ongoing war. Having kept herself far out of reach of those that opposed her. She steered clear of Mister Riegan. Though, inevitably, she was forced into a conversion with her long lost teacher.
The lack of productivity was eating away at Edelgard. Typically, she would be sitting around a round table with her most trusted knights planning their next move. However, in the halls of their old school yard a promise has been made. They would keep their weapons sheathed – peace for teacher. A promise Edelgard was willing to keep despite her anxious desires to keep moving. She wonders how far her targets have roamed. Wishing they could find even one more clue to their whereabouts.
The books of the library she had read only a thousand times. Not to mention they had been filtered by the church all those years ago there was little information left to gain from them. However, as if fate knew of her nervous boredom, yet another familiar face finds her in the form of dear Constance. It seems the people of Abyss continued to find shelter in its halls even after the war began. She invited the curious Emperor to their expanded library of information. Of course, this was just another chance for Constance to plead for a crumb of power. Nonetheless, Edelgard found herself in the catacombs of the Abyss. Investigating into information that had once been long lost to time. Hubert doing God’s work in keeping Constance entertained while she studied. Though, she was sure soon enough they would trade off for his own curiosity was surely teased by this collection. If anyone were to be looking for her they would find her in the Abyss. )
no subject
[She looked so beautiful sleeping in the morning light.]
[He'd stared, not realising he'd fallen back asleep until she was pushing at his chest to wake up. He was slow to move, watching her slide out of bed and go to the door before he even shifted up to sit on the edge of the bed. Dimitri watches her exchange with Hubert (for more clothes, something like that,) unmoving from where he sat, and was even so bold as to keep his eye on her as she busied herself around the room getting herself ready. Something about the way she spoke to her servant made him feel strangely irritated, and he was glad to see the ghoulish man disappear when the door shut. It was enough to let her stand in front of him between his thighs, leaning his face into the shoulder of her dress as her brush pulled and ripped through years worth of knots in his hair. Ultimately, it would need cut but she had been determined to put it into some kind of order.]
[Breakfast had been too much for him. Everyone wanted to speak to him, to be near to him. Friends faces who had haunted him in his long exile were there now smiling and talking to him as if nothing had ever happened. It was only teacher, after Edelgard had left, who saved him from the pressuring of others to take him to the cathedral. It was more cleaned up than it had been when Edelgard had come to find him but nothing else mattered when he saw who was waiting for him. Standing next to Mercedes in the heavenly light filtered through the stained glass of the church was Dedue. No phantom, no farce. Dedue. The next few hours had been a blur for Dimitri, unable to see through tears that stung and made him shake. Between teacher, Mercedes, and Dedue (his Dedue) they had been able to... subdue Dimitri enough to actually look at all of his injuries and get to tending them.]
[It was hours later that the fallen prince had finally had enough of the fussing and prodding and attention. He'd also realised he hadn't seen Edelgard in... how long? How long had it been since she had left him with his companions, with teacher? She was never here to begin with. Why would she be here? She killed all your friends. She's in Enbarr, you're going to tear her to shreds-- Dimitri had stormed away from the others as his thoughts got loud and angry, tearing through the grounds looking for any sign of the emperor at all. After a (terrifying for her, probably,) altercation with Lysithea when he had spotted her white hair, she had pointed him in the direction she'd seen Edelgard and Constance go earlier in the day. Down into the Abyss. It had been many years since then, but Dimitri was no stranger to the winding corridors underneath Garreg Mach. He'd even chased some of the rats out of it when he'd arrived at the monastery... who knew how long ago. Protecting the place for teacher's eventual return.]
[He finds her in the dusty library looking... more like himself. In clothes that fit him, though still nothing meant for war. A soft blue shirt that tied at the neck, black trousers, boots on his feet. Mercedes had worked herself through the night so that their (former? future?) king would have clothes to wear when he came back from the dead. His right eye was bandaged now, white tape holding everything in place at his hairline and across his cheek. They had scrubbed his wounds thoroughly, bandaged him, healed him where they could. Teacher and Dedue had held him down while Mercedes crawled on top of him to dig filth out of his eye socket. If Edelgard hadn't been in Abyss she might have heard his screams. Now his head just felt dull and throbbed incessantly. Dimitri almost seems human as he scrapes a chair across the floor behind her and turns it to sit close by, leaning onto the back of it.]
Finally... Thank the Goddess you are somewhere quiet.
[There's no way he would have been able to tolerate more noise. More fussing. More crying.]
El... I thought-- [That you had disappeared, that you had never been there at all.]
... you might be harder to find.
no subject
I see you found me.
( She took a moment to place the book she had been studying on the reading desk in front of her. Many more books had been piled on top of one another. Needless to say, Edelgard had found plenty of entertainment. )
… And it seems someone has tended to your wounds. That’s wonderful, I hope you’re feeling better.
( Her eyes looked him up and down, noticing all the little things. Most of all his new clothing which suited him. The outfit was fitting for someone of his stature. )
You’re beginning to look more like yourself, Dimitri.
( Her voice was in that serious, motherly pitch Edelgard often had. Moving closer to break the distance between them. From scrubbing his face little blonde hairs poked from his chin, breaking free from their grimy prison. You could see how red his skin was under the patch. It had surely been sanitized finally. Dimitri hadn’t just gotten taller and wider but manlier over the five years he’d been missing. That once sweet babyface was no more. Like a puppy growing into their paws. )
no subject
Do I?
[He felt better, at least physically. He lifts a hand to rub at the stubble on his chin she had noticed idly, as the blond eyelashes of his visible eye flutter over his cheek.]
My... my head still aches. [He was feeling better than before, that was obvious, but...]
They had to-- [Dimitri motions vaguely to his bandaged eye.] Erm, clean it.
[But that was gross to talk about, wasn't it? He frowns at the memory. He tries to remember how to make conversation as he sits there, looking at the emperor sitting so closely to him. They had both changed so much, he wasn't sure... how to do much of anything anymore.]
And you? Was your day well?
no subject
Eventful. It seems much of the literature that might have once been on the monastery’s shelves found its way here. I’m surprised some of it survived considering its subject matter.
( The book that laid open faced on the desk was titled “The Truth of the Heroes' Relics” – many of the pages were missing. Half of the text was illegible. Many of the books in this library were damaged in some way or another. There was a book that lacked every single page except the table of context… “Words of Love” signed with Seteth’s signature of all things. It had kept her rather entertained throughout the day sifting through such forbindin information. )
I wouldn’t call all of it valuable. There is an old recipe I found lodged between the pages of another book that most certainly prepared for my ancestors at one point. ( Taking an old scrap of paper from the desk. ) Tell me how it sounds; ( A smile cracks over her lips. ) Moose meat, though beef or horse was used as a substitute. A Goddess Messenger, a rare fish found in Fódlan waters. One Zanado Treasure Fruit – though boa fruit can be substituted. Finally the seasonings; Adrestian rock salt, herbs from Faerghus, and honey from Leicester.
This was a special dish served to new emperors. I’m not sure what to think of it. Although it does sound on the sweeter side. Harty and sweet.
( As for the rest of the collection that was best left outside of Dimitri’s reach. There were subjects he wasn’t ready for that would simply rile him up. The angry, delusional Dimitri from yesterday was staying so composed. He truly was his father’s “good boy” when he wanted to be. Edelgard couldn’t help but gaze at the remains of the man. The blonde stubble reminded her so much of Lambert. Those same crystal blue eyes… Sadly, only one was left. Dimitri truly did look like the splitting image of his father now that he was fully grown. Such a strong jawline with golden blonde hair. His image had burned into the back of her brain. Thinking about him constantly throughout her day.
Edelgard’s violet eyes stare so intently… What was this feeling? She missed his company. Yet, what was there to miss? The man was deranged… lost… needy for her love, her touch, her... )
no subject
[His father had brought down a creature bigger than he'd ever seen before, a hulking moose that he'd tracked for miles through the snow. Its antlers had been wider than his father was tall when he and Rodrigue had held them up proudly. Dimitri and Felix had looked on in awe, cheering for their fathers when they returned to where they had waited in the warmth of a cabin near the northern palace, their tiny cheeks red from cold as they ran all around in the snow. It had become a trophy, stuffed and hung on the wall above the hearth with its rack polished to shine. They had eaten the meat all winter.]
[Although it does sound on the sweeter side, Edelgard was saying. Dimitri looked from where his gaze had fallen to her pink little mouth back to meet her eye.]
I have had moose before, though not prepared that way.
[He kept trying to remember how they had cooked it. All he could think of was the jerky his father would give to him for snacks. It had been salty and he'd eat it by the handfuls between his meals.]
Nor have I heard of the fruit... [He was talking much like he would have so long ago, as a boy in academy or even before that.]
[The pounding in his head was drowning out whatever whispering of the dead he might hear along with her voice. Dimitri rubs his chin again in thought.]
Well... emperor, would you have eaten it if served to you?
[It's the closest he might get to a joke.]
[Even the mention of her as emperor makes his thoughts scream a moment but he closes his eye to will them away like the throbbing in his skull.]
no subject
Considering the labor that goes into such a dish it would only be rude of me to refuse.
( Putting the fragile old note back into the safety of another book. Standing and hovering around to the front of the desk, her gloved fingers tracing the path across the surface. Edelgard wasn’t dressed in her war etire. Rather, it was something far more casual. A red dress that covered her arms, long as it reached her ankles, with a white blouse that hid her neck and wrists. A pair of black heeled boots that she didn’t consider all that fancy. Nothing she would wear to a ball – maybe for tea. Dimitri seemed rather out of it that morning so perhaps he hadn’t taken in her choice of dress. )
Though, I’m not too sure I’d like moose. What does it taste like?
( Her long white hair was thrown in a side ponytail, feeling the crown overcomplicated the outfit. She wandered past him, finding a spot on one of the old leather loveseats. They were down a flight of stairs, with more comfortable seating along with reading desks on the lower level of the library. Waiting for Dimitri to gaze back before patting the spot vacant beside her. The longer they spent together the warmer she felt. Edelgard’s heart was beating so loudly… unsure as to why. Thinking back to their time in the snow had her nostalgic in ways she thought she’d never feel again. Dimitri’s soft childish face so vividly in her mind. )
*trying to have a romantic moment with the girl he likes* his brain: lmao bet
[He straightened his shoulders and walked over to her when the room stopped spinning, taking her invitation to sit next to her. While she was small and sunk into the cushions he was tall enough his feet stayed planted firmly on the floor, his wide shoulders taking up most of his half of the loveseat. His legs stay spread in front of him, hands resting on his knees as he collects his thoughts.]
[What does it taste like? He leans back and without thinking he stretches one arm out across the back of the couch, his hand ending up near her shoulder.]
...Leaner than beef. They eat the buds off of willow trees, so sometimes the meat has a floral taste.
[It was like his father was talking to him again. He remembered the explanation for Why does it taste different, papochka? like Lambert was sitting across from them and his head jerks a little to look at the desk again just to make sure but of course his father is gone. It's almost as if he can feel his gaze on them, as Dimitri sits with the young lady his father had loved hearing so much about. Would you be proud of me, papochka? He tries to will the thought away, as well as the stare of his father.]
[He already knows the answer.]
It's more... The smell is stronger. I liked it.
[As if shrinking back from his father's eye, he leans closer to her on the sofa, forcing himself to look at her instead of the desk.]
she wishes dimitri's mental illness wouldn't get in the way of her romantic moment
Well, if it is leaner… then perhaps I would enjoy it.
( Her hands rested in her lap, legs closed like a proper lady. Edelgard takes so little space compared to Dimitri’s large physique. The thought of how close they could be makes her feel shy. Glancing over to his chest. A dangerous thought of how comfortable it had been last night. It made her cheeks flush in memory. Fingers rubbing together, fidgeting and soon fumbling around with her stick of beeswax to rub a bit more of it onto her lips. The air of Garreg Mach was so dry and had always been too cold for her liking. )
You know, the professor once told me that the Zanado treasure fruit was something she’d been attempting to grow in the monastery’s garden. Apparently it is a rare breed of fruit that requires cross breeding between different fruits and flowers.
( Was she being awkward? Usually conversation with your typical noble man wasn’t a huge challenge for her. Was it because Dimitri wasn’t typical? Or was it her feelings getting in the way…? Having avoided so many voices that begged to reason with her today Edelgard was starting to feel as if perhaps she didn’t deserve happiness like this… It was fate keeping his attention away from her. Getting all in her head about every little thing that transpired between them. )
"didi could you just stop being mentally ill for one fucking second thx 💋"
[He swallowed.]
That sounds... difficult.
[Dimitri can't focus on the fruit right now, whatever it might look like. Probably like this. He wants to reach out and take her hand that's fidgeting with the beeswax. Hadn't his father wanted them to be close? Wouldn't he approve? It's impulse alone that makes Dimitri reach over and press his big hand over hers. Her gloves are silky against his calloused palm. He wishes he could feel her bare skin. What did he want? The wax for his lips? To hold her hand? He wanted so badly to--]
[His mouth feels dry.]
I don't know the first thing about plants, though.
[Dedue probably knows, he thinks. Dedue is alive. The thought makes his chest burn. He curls his fingers around hers, his thumb presses against her palm.]
[She always wore gloves, but he had seen her bare hands the night before. She had touched him so tenderly.]
El, I...
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…Do you want this?
( The fallen king isn’t the only one who was a little dense. Edelgard not really understanding what Dimitri was looking to gain. She fantasized about him kissing her but that was the extent of it. Just fantasy. It wasn’t like she was intentionally flirting with him but rubbing wax on her lips… A bit of ignorance surrounding her choices.
He… only continued to pull her arm closer. Less like he wanted to kiss her and more like he wanted Edelgard to apply the beeswax for him. With a strike of dominance, she never did like being manhandled, she pulled herself from his grip only to take his cheek with her palm and applying the ointment with the other. )
Try and use your words, Dimitri.
( Scolding him like a mother…
His lips were rather chapped. She couldn’t bear to have cracked, painful lips so perhaps the feeling was mutual. With the way his mind had been the past 24 hours Edelgard wasn’t all that surprised at the way he requested things. )
writes my baby dimigard fanfiction
[It isn't gross, El! It's good! Do you want to try mine first? He'd looked so hopeful, offering his teacup forward.]
[She had pressed her mouth to the same spot he had sipped it from.]
[An indirect kiss.]
[Dimitri stares at her as she touches his face and lifts the beeswax to his mouth. He wished that she wasn't wearing her gloves, that he could feel her skin against his. The silk of them is soothing despite it and he leans into the touch, lets her rub the wax into his lips. It feels soothing. Dimitri had once been a sticker for his appearance, making sure his hair and clothes were tidy, rubbing wax into his lips every morning and night. He's leaning so close to her now he has to tilt his head in her hand to see her better, his lone eye focusing slowly as her face blurred at the edges. The hand that had grabbed hers rested uselessly on his lap now. He wants to touch her face too, but would she let him?]
... Thank you. It feels nice.
[He hoped she didn't let go of his face. He didn't want her to stop.]
[Doesn't it taste lovely, El? He had grinned big and happy as she drank his tea instead of hers. I guess so, Didi. She had been smiling too.]
comment 69 was el putting lip gloss on him I just realized B)
They had always been chapped… ever since they were children…
That’s right… She remembers him now.
Little pieces of the past follow Edelgard – unable to remove their grip on her soul. How could she forget the feeling of a boy’s lips when they pressed to hers? What courage he must have mustered. How he must have missed her when they took her away. Her hand rubbed along his jaw where blonde hair was sprouting. No longer a boy. Dimitri was a man. They were both grown and – oh, how feelings changed when you’re grown. His stubble rubbed against the slick fabric of her gloves. How she would love to feel his skin against her own, raw and exposed in the dim light of the forgotten old library. )
…It does…
( His face, it feels nice. She forgot about the wax. Edelgard meant his face. Her hands still pressed to his skin. The stick lifted from his lips as she continued staring at them. Her violet eyes mesmerized—
A gulp, what had she been doing? A question asked so many times. Unsure… quick moments as she removed her touch. Placing her gaze on the tube, closing it once more. Love. That’s what this lipstick container made her think of. Someone she loved unconditionally. Her thumb caressed the case. Did she feel that way about Dimitri, too? Her heart raced at the thought. What made everything about him feel so different…? )
Excuse me.
( A blush made its way over her pale cheeks. Thinking about loving him was… too much. She shouldn’t. They couldn’t. Her head hung, facing downward, back into the abyss. Shameful, awful, childish… love. )
👄💄💏
[Something precious.]
Don't, El, I...
[She had told him to use his words, but what was there to say? Everything he attempted caught in his throat. He inhaled slowly, the scent of her makeup and perfume strong in his nose. The smell of her, as she was, enveloping her whole. Though she'd reacted to him grabbing her hand by pulling away he acts on another impulse. He cups her cheek in his huge hand and pulls her head back to face him. What kind of man are you? The voice whispering to him sounds more like his own this time, as he stares down into her violet eyes. She's blurry this close to his face, his nose bumps into hers as he tries to maneuver himself. You want to do it, so do it! Rip her-- Hold her-- Kiss her, Dima, you fool. His thumb pressed to her cheek with just a bit more purpose.]
[He misses once, his waxy lips push against the corner of her mouth. Then he moves just slightly, and kisses her for real.]
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How could she let her feelings spit on their sacrifice? Loving him would only create more division. It wasn’t like she was worth having as a wife. Those were the thoughts racing through her mind before Dimitri cupped her cheek. A woman not worth loving… A relationship not worth having—
That was before he pressed his lips to her own.
A shocked expression, brow arching from inexperience. Was she kissing him right? Pressing her face into his large palm and closing her eyes. Edelgard could count on her fingers the number of mutual kisses she’d received in life. Placing her soft silky gloved hand over his own. Letting time stop as they both exchanged their passions.
To love Dimitri was dangerous, it was reckless and it was everything she’d ever wanted.
When it ended Edelgard started it once more. Keeping Dimitri’s mouth against her. Taking in every precious second. Save her, walk with her… share her dream. The loneliness was too much to bear. )
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[All he can hear is the pounding of blood in his ears and the soft noises of her mouth against his.]
[The arm he'd rested along the top of the couch drops to curl around her shoulders, big hand pressing into the fabric of her dress at her waist. He pulls her closer against his chest as the kiss deepens. The hand on her face doesn't move, his thumb dragging down her soft skin as he tips his head one way and then the other, chasing each kiss she bestows on him, eye shut as he loses himself to the sensation. It's passionate, it's warm. He wishes he could taste her, even if it was only the beeswax. He wanted to inhale her breath, taste her tongue, envelope himself in her very being. He wanted to drown in her mouth.]
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She remembers saying his name, turning around in her chair to face him. Soft cheeks covered in a blush her foundation couldn’t remove. Her white eyelashes fluttered against her face, brows arched, feeling more timid than she perhaps had ever felt before. It was strange, thinking about love…
When she had returned from her long excursion away from the empire, Edelgard had returned with a ghostly complexion. Her hair turned white, her eyes expressionless and cold. Any little thought threatened to take her back there, to the chambers caused her such suffering. Hubert was her kindness back then. She’ll never forget his tears upon finally being with her again. Recovery came with time…
She once thought that perhaps they could have been… in love. He had been the only person in her life that knew all her suffering, all her pain. Hubert had been there all this time, he helped her recover, he helped her feel these things. To love…—She— She had stood up, pushing the chair away from between them. Edelgard remembers struggling to say much. Placing her hands on his chest and awkwardly pulling him down onto her naked lips. She’d closed her eyes. Her Hubert’s lips unmoving, his breath held… When it was finally broken she swore off romance there and then. The kiss was not returned. He explained himself, of course, that his love for her was deeper than some surface level romantic desires. Perhaps he’d been shy at the moment, as well. If they were to court, it would ruin her image, it would muddy their plans… she needed to stay focused, and he would be there every step of the way to support her.
Hubert had broken her heart that day.
Now, over fives years later, she was once again pressing her lips to a man’s. The boy from her memories, her first love. A love she felt during a time of complete innocence. Back when they were both still babes speaking the warmth of their families. Her hands grip the fabric of his soft shirt, kissing him so gently. Edelgard keeps her eyes closed and her lips puckered. If she were to be blessed with one final request it would be for this moment with Dimitri to never end. She was once again… falling in love. )
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[She's so lovely, he says from behind little hands, shy as ever. El, you became so beautiful.]
[The Dimitri in the present blinks and they're alone again, a pause in the kissing the only indication that his mind has been elsewhere at all.]
[Edelgard is so beautiful. She has become a woman, she is everything Dimitri could have ever wanted. His father had smiled at them too. Perhaps, despite everything, Edelgard is still meant for him. Perhaps they are still meant to be together.]
[He curls his arm tighter around her and pulls her up against him, halfway onto his lap, and holds her close to his chest. He wants to crush her there, never let her go, feel her warm lively body thrum against his and let him know they were alive they're alive they're alive-- Dimitri kisses her again, more deeply now. With more conviction.]
[This is everything he has ever wanted.]
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They were kissing… kissing harder than Edelgard had ever been kissed before. It was her pride that deepens it when Dimitri does, taking his initiative to devour her mouth and brushing her tongue on his chapped lips. What was she doing? In the halls of the abyss, away from the noise of the world. Alone and vulnerable with a man who twisted her heart. Edelgard has always been a cold and aloof girl, so says the people around here. Her violet eyes could steal themselves and show nothing but the dark, empty fog of her soul behind them. But here, tightly wrapped in the arms of a lover… the painful tug of desire pulls at her heartstrings. It pumps blood through her veins, it warms her skin, it touches the darkness like a lighted torch. Dimitri was attempting to find her in the mists of her being, drag her back with him and share their broken reality together.
Her hands shove against his chest soon after her mouth sucks on his bottom lip. They can’t— They simply can’t—! A small and forgin sound squeaks from her throat when their mouths seese to be pressed. Slowly did her violet eyes open to stare at him, they glissen with passion. )
T-That’s… we shouldn’t—
( ’I just want to hear his voice…’ Her mind betrays. She wants to hear him say how wants her, how he desires her. Edelgard swears that they’ve kissed before…somewhere, long ago, in the cold winter’s snow. She had closed her eyes and felt it back then. His warm breath on her chilled skin, chapped lips, a strong hold over her small arms. That boy was Dimitri…
She wants to say, ‘I am the Emperor of Adrestia!’, ‘You are the fallen king of my enemy.’, ‘We can never be! We shouldn’t do this…’, 'Don't you know what you're doing? Don't you understand?',
‘Dimitri… I love you.’
Edelgard simply stares at him. )
imagine i have an icon where his eye is welling up with tears in a pretty cry way
[Dimitri feels, for the first time, like he has Edelgard in his grasp. She could not dissipate into mist between his fingers, not anymore. He grabs her by the arms as she pulls back from the kiss, holding her too tightly in his strong grip.]
No... No, El.
[He's not the crazed beast from before ranting and raving at her, but he isn't so ill he's shaking and hallucinating either. He looks at her with sense behind his lone blue eye, a frown pulling his mouth tight.]
I don't care, I--
[The blond takes in a breath.]
I need this, I need you... El, please. Don't pretend any longer, please.
Be... Be with me, El. Let us be together.
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it took 14 years but he finally got the girl 😌 perseverance
when the tsundere takes 14 years but she finally dates you.... baka
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fuck im crying lol
when the blorbos make u cry
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