Edelgard keeps her eyes on the door. Hearing the sounds of Dimitri washing away his pain. The way he begged was almost too much.
When they were children… his pleading, pitiful blabbering didn’t create an ounce of empathy for her. But now? Looking at a broken man, tired and lost… alone. His kingdom was stolen, his pride robbed. What was left felt like a shell of someone she once knew.
She didn’t say anything. Staying put for Dimitri like he requested. Her mind began to wonder while waiting so patiently. Did he look just as poor under his trousers? His undershirt had been stuck to his skin with sweat, remembering how it tugged when she pleaded it off his body. She– She shouldn’t think of what lurks in his trousers… Such things were unbecoming. Edelgard remained lost in that thought on whether to think below the waist while the water dripped on the sauna floor as their only sound. So lost that she might have never even noticed the mouse at her feet if not for the small squeak.
A dreadful, awful, sound as the small creature scampered across the floor. Unable to hold back the scream that came from her lips. A girlish, terrified screech as she backed away uncontrollably. Still so afraid of rodents and other small beasts. )
D-Dimitri!
( Kill it! Petrified in fear, unable to even finish her command. )
🔪🔪🐭💀 animal death warning ig lol hi whoever is reading this fanfiction
[Dimitri had watched her back for a while, before continuing on with his bath. It felt... pleasant, when his head wasn't spinning, to scrub himself down. Starting with his arms and shoulders, what parts of his back he could reach. His underarms, as she'd noted, were filthy and it took a few times scouring them before the hair beneath the dirt was wet and clean rather than clung with sweat. Taking the rest of his clothes off had been a chore. Just standing up to take off his trousers had him feeling weak, his head wobbling between his ears, but he managed it. He was even relatively clean when the squeak of the mouse made his head jerk up from where he'd been scrubbing the scabbing blood between his toes.]
[That awful scratching noise they made, the squeaks and chatter as they ran across his chest in the night. He could feel their teeth biting into his flesh, their little paws scratching at his face. The sound drove him, well, crazy even more so than the barking of dogs or the caterwauling of the cats that still scrounged around the monastery for food and shelter. The rats, the damned filthy rats! She didn't even have to scream his name by the time he was off the bench, his anger at the little creature enough to bypass the physical weakness that had been threatening to overtake him since before she took him into the bath.]
Filthy, vile-- damned-- creatures!
[It wasn't often a man could catch something as small as a mouse with his hands, but Dimitri had practice. Like a cat (or a lion?) pouncing, still half covered in soap, Dimitri lunged for the creature so fast he didn't realise he'd nearly knocked into Edelgard with one of his wide shoulders. Depth perception was still something he struggled with and with her to the right of him he hadn't gauged the distance well. That didn't matter to him though, as he snatched up the vermin in one big hand and squeezed until it popped.]
[Panting, knelt at her feet naked as the day he was born, Dimitri made sure the mouse was dead in his hand before throwing it as far away from her as he could into a dark corner of the bathhouse for someone else to find later.]
Dead... It's dead. It's quiet. It won't make noise anymore.
( Edelgard moved out of Dimitri’s way as he lunged past her. Timid hands under her chin like a shooken maiden. She could carve the head off a man with her battle ax but when it came to mice and rats Edelgard cowered in fear. If only her enemies knew, huh? Years of her childhood having been spent in a dungeon had created a phobia surrounding those creatures that scurried in the night.
Usually, Hubert was her designated rat killer. However, he would have gone about this with far more grace so as to not upset his majesty. )
…th-Thank you.
( What else do you say to something like that? Dimitri had the speed of a demon and crushed the beast with his bare hands before flinging it with such force across the room. Not to mention his bare naked body that Edelgard was struggling to keep her eyes off. )
Um… Excuse me.
( Turning away from him once more. This time to face a wall. Her cheeks were red with a fierce blush. He– She saw his– D-Dimitri didn’t have much of a backside. Yes, that is all she saw. To think he had grown so much in so little time. Not that she had seen it before or anything! )
[Slowly, Dimitri caught his breath and belatedly realised what he must look like naked and covered in soap so close to her feet. For the first time he feels a little embarrassed, slowly getting back up off of his knees. He sways a moment, now that the adrenaline is gone and the pain in his head is coming back to him. He steps backward once and then again and is lucky the bench is close enough for him to fall back onto. He looks at the bloody guts smeared on his hand a moment before rubbing them off onto the wood and water beside him, rather than using Edelgard's washcloth to do it. It might be filthy as he was now, but he's certain she wouldn't appreciate having rat insides on it.]
[It's a little while later he finally takes the last bit of hot clean water and lifts the bucket above his head to rinse the soap off. It almost feels like the pain and torture he'd suffered over five long years was washed away with it. He shakes water off of his hair and face like a dog when he's done, using the back of his arm to rub it out of his bad eyelid when it stings but otherwise, he feels... A lot better.]
[Dimitri sighs, and looks at her back. She's still there, whether she's a phantom of his memories or not.]
Finished.
[Still, in the rational part of his brain he knows he has to have some kind of modesty. Especially after his rat killing performance. The towels she'd brought with them are a bit damp from the steam in the sauna but he unfurls one all the same to cover himself with it. He's too big to do much beyond wrapping it around his waist.]
I... don't know if there are clothes for me to wear.
( Edelgard felt her mouth go dry. The image of his body ingrained in his mind. This was unlike her. She wasn’t distracted by such things. Dimitri stayed so complex in her heart. Ever since those memories of him came back. The days spent in the snow. By the fire. Teaching him to dance. How to be her man…
Those soft lavender eyes blinked, shoving her mind out of whatever gutter it attempted falling into. When she looked over her shoulder there he was… the towel wrapped around this thin waist. Even after five years of mistreatment Dimitri had still grown so large. With some tender loving care he would be fitter than he’d ever been before. Blemishes and sores still yet covered his skin. Suffering under his neglect. However, the steps to recovery had been taken. In time… the blue lion would live once more. )
I’m… sure we can find something for you to wear.
( Hubert was tall, of course he was the first to come to her mind. Though he was far too skinny… Perhaps Ferdinand? Edelgard brushed the thought of his figure from her mind. Feet slapping against the wet floor as she peered outside the door to see how cold it had become. To her surprise, a pair of men’s clothing was sitting just outside. It seems the professor might have had the same idea. Their owner was unknown to Edelgard, bringing the gift inside. Shutting the door of the sauna to keep the warm air inside. )
It seems someone already took the steps of getting you dressed.
( Oddly enough, the shirt might be too big for him… somehow. Holding it out by the shoulders. Her majesty didn’t know Claude’s friends. So she wouldn’t know Raphael was a large man more than big enough to share an outfit or two with Dimitri. Sloppily folding it back up and handing the garments over to Dimitri. Edelgard kept her eyes averted from his body while doing so with a light pink blush on her cheeks. )
Here… dress yourself and we’ll rejoin the others. We can at least check in with them and see who is still awake.
[Dimitri doesn't know (or can't remember?) Claude's friends well either, so the idea of who it could be escapes him. The only person who might have fit these clothes, in his mind, was... Dedue. But Dedue was dead, and gone, and he'd never see him again. Even if teacher and Edelgard and even Claude had returned to him he knew that he truly had left Dedue to die when he had run from Fhirdiad. So he takes the clothes and when she's turned away from him again he drops the towel back down off his hips, only leaving the one he's got draped over his dripping hair.]
[Raphael is somehow even wider than Dimitri. His waist is too thin to keep the trousers up without the belt and when he gets to the buttons on the shirt it's... difficult. Dimitri has never been good at delicate things on top of having been a prince his whole life-- used to having others help dress him. It was a miracle he'd been able to get the armor he'd been wearing on. A few of the buttons snap off under his too-tight grip while he tries fitting them through the holes in the shirt. Frustrated he gives up halfway and closes his eye a moment, steadying his head again as another wave of pain washed over him. When he opens it again his gaze falls on the pile of his rotted, dirty clothes he'd had to peel off of himself earlier. Still barefoot he walks over to them and after rebalancing himself leans down to rummage through the pile.]
[With clothes on this time (or at least, trousers. His shirt is still unbuttoned,) he tapped Edelgard gently on the arm from behind. Almost like a child, nervous and hesitant.]
Here.
[Dimitri's voice is tight and smaller than it's been all evening. He's holding a little dagger in his hand, sheathed in worn leather to protect the blade. Of all the things he had kept clean and free from his delusions, Edelgard's dagger he had kept near pristine. He holds it out to her with the handle pointed toward her. He'd thought of sinking it deep into her heart on more than one occasion. Now he offers her the chance to do the same to him.]
( Her reaction was sharp. Edelgard can remember searching for it the night it had been lost. Paranoia took over, scouring every inch of her bedroom and belongings with no avail. Losing it only made her think about it more. Dimitri’s outburst at the Holy Tome finally answers those lingering questions of its origin. Five long years have passed with those painful, nostalgic memories of old. Back when they were children. Innocent, unknowing, sweet children full of hopes and dreams.
The prince’s gift – “To carve her own path”. The Adrestian Emperor had certainly done her share of carving. Insisting the flames of war that had pledged their lands for five long, devastating years. Edelgard had her share of sins to pay. As does Dimitri.
She accepts the dagger, touching it tenderly, reminded once again of its warm presence. Holding it with the rest of her things. The buttons of his shirt being udon bothering her too much as Edelgard moves in closer to assist. Her small hands working up his chest, eyes fixated on the skin underneath. )
Was this for my heart?
( A hint of sadness in her voice. Upset with him in ways she can barely explain. How he despises her is painfully unfair. Such a selfish man that makes convenient excuses, delusional in his explanations. Was he finally willing to listen to reason? Edelgard worries what is left of Dimitri after all these years.
Her fingers reach his neck. Soft and gentle she pops the button though the hole. Warm hands fixing his collar, adjusting once to keep her boots around her arm. Edelgard wasn’t looking at him but she could tell Dimitri was looking at her. His intense stare made her feel vulnerable. Perhaps, if she were to put it in words, Dimitri would glare at you like the predator gazed at the prey. Right now those focused blue eyes were tired. She could tell he wanted her help… )
—Don’t answer. I already know… Nonetheless I’m happy to have it back. It’s a very special possession of mine.
[It was, Dimitri thinks, but she's already telling him not to answer. He bites it back, watching her tiny hands grab his shirt front and start on his buttons without even asking if he needs help. He should have known how obvious it was he hadn't been able to do it himself. Her fingers are so little, and pink still from helping him wash. He stares as she moves in front of him, doing them up for him until she's pressed the one at his neck closed so gently. Kiss her hands, his brain tells him and he tries to shake the thought away as quickly as it had come. Where was his mind?]
Don't lose it again.
[Don't throw it at him again, don't lodge it in his chest when he least expected it. Don't hurt him with it like you had when he had realised the Flame Emperor's true identity. Slowly he just reaches up to finish drying his hair, throwing the towel down away from him when he's done. His hair is still messy and full of rats needing to be brushed out, but he's clean and he's clothed. He nearly feels human again, despite the throbbing pain in his head. It was dulled now, pulsing behind the hole in his face every few minutes. He could at least hold himself upright now.]
[Dimitri feels the chill immediately when they leave the bathhouse. He's wearing less clothes than he has in a long time, he's barefooted, but it feels almost nice against his sore skin. Like walking out of the bath into the sharp Faerghus cold to brace oneself in the wind. There's not much noise left outside, the rest of the camp gone to sleep or gone to patrol, so when someone nigh materialises in front of them Dimitri almost loses it again.]
[It's only Hubert, with a warm shawl over one arm that he immediately unfurls and presses around Edelgard's shoulders to replace her cape for warmth. He'd known she would be wet from the steam but she's positively soaked. He cannot believe their professor truly made her go through with washing this beast of a man. He doesn't even look at Dimitri.]
Your majesty, there is still work being done on the living quarters but I have made the effort to clean out a bedroom for you and deliver your things there. I have also prepared your night clothes, you must change out of these wet ones as soon as possible.
[Dimitri looked between the two of them briefly, trying to catch up with what was being said as his head throbbed again. He stepped forward, one big hand reaching out to press against Edelgard's tiny shoulders, his one eye boring into Hubert like he was an interloper on the attack. What little bit of trust he felt for Edelgard he could not extend to her Imperial allies, and Hubert was probably the worst of them. He followed them the whole way to her bedroom, the same one she had used in school. What if it still smells like her? Dimitri is still glaring at Hubert, who looks similarly offended that they've been followed, unable to hide the disgust on his face.]
Don't-- [His voice is gravelly and low again, like before,] don't go, El.
[Hubert looks, if possible, more upset than ever.]
You cannot possibly think that it would be appropriate for Lady Edelgard to see you in her bedchambers. I must ask you to leave...
( She quickly went to place her hands on Hubert’s chest. He was a tall man… which made it hard to reach him at times. The way he defended her was rather embarrassing. Like it was his decision to make. )
Hubert! I'll take it from here. You’re dismissed for the evening.
( Edelgard appreciated every inch of her court mage. Right down to his overbearing, overprotective eye. She could feel the intense panic her words are causing as he radiates worry. )
“B-But, your majesty. I couldn't possibly leave you alone with this… this beast.”
( His protest only embarrassed her more. Shoving him down the hall and continuing to plead with him to leave. )
I am more than capable of making that decision on my own, Hubert. Have a good night, please.
( She made her way back to Dimitri once Hubert stopped trying to follow her. Though, he didn’t leave the hallway letting her feel ashamed one last time. Shooing Dimitri into her old bedroom quickly before anyone else could see them. )
… Forgive me, Hubert can be overly concerned about my well being. Even when it is unwarranted.
( Now that they were alone, however. Edelgard wasn’t sure what to do with Dimitri. She still needed to change and these little rooms were never meant for two people. Usually Hubert would help her get undressed but Edelgard was sure she could manage without assistance. Like always… there was just one bed. The day continued to put her in the most unexpected situations. )
If you could give me a moment, Dimitri. Just… stand over there in the corner. I need to change for the night.
( Again, unsure what to do with him. Pointing to the corner of the room like a mother would to a child. She could feel his paranoia raising as the night grew longer and his energy drained. As much as she’s sure Dimitri would love otherwise, sleep will take them both soon enough. )
[Dimitri watched the exchange quietly, though he felt conflicted. He knew the exact sort of relationship that they had, made him miss his own with Dedue, yet he felt annoyed Edelgard was touching him. That she had her hands on his chest so soon after they'd gently buttoned up his shirt. Still, when Hubert is gone (around the corner,) he allows Edelgard to push him in through the door instead anyway. It's the same as before, Hubert really had done a good job cleaning it up, dusting, replacing the mattress with something not half rotting with age. It looked much different from Dimitri's bedroom, which he'd been holed up in for only the Goddess knew how long.]
[He stares at her a moment before just turning to look at the corner of the little bedroom, crossing his arms over himself. It's still cold compared to the bath. He misses her touch. She had touched Hubert's chest, it made him want her scratching his scalp again, or his shoulders. He gripped his hands tighter into fists against the fabric of his shirt. She couldn't disappear now, he could hear her in the room still, and yet... He swallowed down his fear, and decided talking to her would confirm she was still with him even if he couldn't see her. He had to believe that. She's just a voice in your head.]
He is worried about you, I understand.
[You could rip her head off with your bare hands why are you hesitating?!]
( Reaching the buttons and clasps holding her dress in place were challenging but Edeglard managed. The nightgown Hubert had picked was laid out on the bed which she would rather Dimitri didn’t stare at. Trying to be quick about undressing. The dread of wearing her undergarments discouraged their use despite the fact that she would be sharing a bed with a man tonight. No matter… it wasn’t like they would be holding each other. Folding them up with her other clothing, hidden away from his view. Practically jumping into the nightgown before Dimitri saw anything. It was long and white, with frills embroidered at the top. Her other clothing rested neatly on a chair in the bedroom, her high heeled boots beside it along with her one weapon – the dagger.
As for her hair… Well, Edelgard struggled with putting it on and off on her own. Usually if Hubert wasn’t around to help her she would just wear a side ponytail to avoid messing with it entirely. Thankfully she managed without much pain. Her snow white hair had grown even longer over these past five years. Like aforementioned, she pulled it to the side wrapped in a ponytail to sleep in. )
Thank you, I’m dressed now. You’re free to turn around.
( She slipped her bare feet into the slippers Hubert had brought her. They lacked backing, pink in color. Dimitri wasn’t the only one still feeling cold after their sauna adventure. Sitting on the bed, arms in her lap, looking at him with a somewhat tired expression. )
[Dimitri isn't sure what to expect when he turns around. She's somehow even smaller there in her little nightgown, with her hair swept into her side ponytail. He looked at the way the ends fell over her shoulder, at the fabric of the gown, at everything about her. The slightest hint of her nipples, bare under the nightgown, was obvious as his eye skimmed over every inch of her. Her little feet practically disappeared into the soft looking slippers. When she sat down he crossed the room to sit with her too, but hesitated, looking back up to her face. She did look exhausted, and he felt it, but he couldn't allow himself the comfort of sleep.]
I should sleep on the floor, then.
[It was common courtesy enough to let the lady have the bed, that much he knew still even after all these years. Yet he still lingered there on his feet, gazing down at her. He couldn't sleep, even if he wanted to. He couldn't let her disappear.]
( Staring up at him looking down at her with those hungry blue eyes continued that feeling of vulnerability. To be honest, Edelgard hadn’t felt like this for a long time… When the professor gazed at her in classes she couldn’t help but feel something similar. As if you could see right through her. All her plans and ideas… all her schemes and secrets. Dimitri didn’t appear quite as methodical — his was very much a strong desire. )
You should rest in bed…
( Yet, she stops herself from finishing. Her violet eyes looked side to side… the mattress wasn’t exactly meant for two. Edelgard isn’t sure why she hadn’t considered that already but all their interactions had left her mind distracted. She had somehow imagined they would both have room between them. The thought of spending the night so close to him made her thighs squeeze tight.
What was she doing allowing herself such ideas? )
We can share it. ( Her eyes darted away while the words left her lips ) Unless you disapprove of such things.
( Edelgard’s brain knew otherwise, they shouldn’t be doing this, especially with how Dimitri’s mind had been when she found him only hours before – what it was like right now, yet once she managed to speak her words betray her. It wasn’t the only thing that betrayed her either…
Maybe it was a mixture of things. She had grown tired of Hubert’s rejections. Ever since they were teens she’d been trying to court him to no avail. They had done things – he was just a man, after all. All men have their breaking points. But nothing truly intimate on the level she’d been seeking. They had never dated. The two of them only ever touched through the clothing. Her sweet Hubert worried about “her image” more than himself and at times Edelgard struggled understanding his complicated feelings on the matter. He wanted her love but in a very different way. Perhaps that’s why the subject of “men” has been off putting for so long. Their rejection would sting too badly. What was a man to do with her broken body but use it?
…And, yet…. This fluttering rush of girlish emotion overtakes her. Edelgard had fed him, bathed him, dressed him… and now they were to share a bed together. The boy from her memories was grown, tethered and broken. He needed her support. That healing touch of compassion. Not thinking about her war, or teacher, or even what came tomorrow. Only Dimitri. It made her feel stupid somewhere in the more logical part of her brain. )
[Dimitri isn't sure if it's real when she offers to share it. It's a small bed, fit for teenagers in their academy years. He'd nearly outgrown his own back then in his first year at Garreg Mach. His feet hung off the edge if he didn't curl up on it. Sharing it with El would be... a tight fit indeed. But then he remembers her hands in his hair, scratching his scalp until he'd drooled. He remembers her hands on Hubert's chest, pushing him back from them. Dimitri sits next to her on the bed, his heavier weight making the mattress bounce slightly. Her thigh presses against the side of his own. Compared to him she's so little, she barely reaches his shoulder sitting down.]
[He takes her little hands suddenly. He can't stop looking at them.]
I won't hurt you.
[A strange thing to say so suddenly. Dimitri's voice is gravely as before, but he clearly has conviction behind his words. Everything in his mind is telling him to grab her and throttle her, voices of corpses begging him to take her head from her shoulders-- but he focuses on her little hands instead, lifting them to press against the sides of his face. He couldn't hurt her, wouldn't hurt her. Not his El.]
I won't... I can't. I promise...
[His lone eye finally looks back to her face, meeting her gaze, as his lips brush the palm of her hand.]
( Feeling his lips against her palms makes Edelgard turn red in the face. Their reunion was progressing their relationship rather quickly. Almost too quickly… right? When Dimitri mentions that he won’t hurt her it reminds El that things aren’t quite normal for him. That he was sick mentally, not just physically. That Hubert had every right to be worried about them sharing a bedroom. That Dimtiri could still snap and attack her. Why did she continue pushing his behavior to the side to chase some girlish fantasy? Was it his pleading words or soft touches? Something about Faerghus’s lost king made her weak. )
G-Good… I’d expect nothing less. I’ve been nothing but nice to you—
( She stops herself from any further bitching… it won’t help the situation.
The way he stared at her so intently. Edelgard continued to struggle, looking him in the eye when she spoke but directing it elsewhere after the fact. Nothing could shake her shyness. She half wanted to simply jump him and end this back and forth. Remove this awful timidness from the conversation entirely. Take control and dominate. Do everything for him physically and emotionally for the best of both of them.
And, yet… Even after all the waring and politics. All the arguments, all the fighting… the death and how numb everything makes you. She still would rather the boy she liked take the steps to court her over Edelgard doing everything for him. She would rather he kissed her first – tell her he loved her first – asked to court her first… Such childish desires expected from someone that could barely stay within reality. )
…I definitely want to see you sleep in a bed tonight. You were closer to death's door than you realize. ( I care about you, Dimitri ) In fact, please don’t sleep on the floor any longer. ( That’s unbecoming of a man that wears a crown. ) It’s not only degrading, but you can’t allow your health to drop any further. ( You’ll die. You’ll die and leave nothing behind. )
You have so much more to live for.
( A kingdom, a wife, children and people who love him. Things that Edelgard can only imagine. With her broken, destroyed body no heir will come from her. No husband that she’d like – no point in taking one. If all goes her way, which she will continue to fight for, teachers' wishes or otherwise, she’ll be able to pass on her legacy to someone worthy enough to protect her ideals. It is Edelgard’s dreams that will pass onto the next life. It’s something she’s known for a long time. Despite her tropes loyalties she knows deep down she can’t see them as anything but pawns until the very last battle is won. Her painful discontent with humanity leaves the Emperor feeling hollow. This monster in front of her the only thing that seems to make her feel tonight. )
[Something rises in his chest as she lectures him, however gently. A neat scolding, even while she lets him kiss her hands. Somehow the combination of her gentle touches and firm, even voice clicks just right, makes him feel calm. If he's lucky, he thinks, she might keep doing this. Something young and boyish makes the thought feel embarrassing as he watches her, leaning his right cheek against her little hand in his, letting her fingers so close to his aching eye socket. Despite everything, or perhaps because of everything, he feels trust blossom in his chest. Hopelessly naïve, Dimitri. Optimistic to a fault. They are her words from long ago in his head, not the whispering of the dead this time. He kisses her wrist where he can feel scars that had built up there under his lips.]
I will ...simply have to listen to your advice.
[Regardless of the coherency of his sentences suddenly, he was still delusional enough to keep her little hands close to his face, press his lips against her skin.]
[It made him feel so... It was so...]
It's so quiet now. [He's closed his eye at some point, his blond lashes flutter against his cheek as he opens it again to gaze at her.]
Just... Suddenly very quiet, El. It must be time for sleep.
[But he didn't mean noise in the hallway, of course not.]
[His memory of her scathing voice chiding him, teasing him in academy had chased the voices away for just a moment's peace.]
( When Dimitri laid his lips against her wrists it stirred a mixture of emotions. The thing about her that made Edelgard feel so undesirable. Those reminders whenever she would gaze into a mirror. The thought of him acknowledging them spurred fear yet his sweet kiss eased her otherwise. She had to pull away. Even if his touch felt healing it could only lead to more hurt. Her heart thumped like a drum.
A deep breath as she stood up, wanting Dimitri to lay against the wall. Considering his size, it would be easier for Edelgard to find a position once he was settled. Doing so with very little room to spare. She was basically on the edge of the mattress if she wasn’t pressed against his chest. In their current circumstance Edelgard would much rather face him than… spoon him. They would just have to make room for her arms somehow between them. Wrapping them around him felt far too intimate. Resting her palms against his chest. )
I… I have very little room, s-so–
( Listen to her? Edelgard was falling apart. No longer feeling like herself. Everything about this was unlike her. She asks again; what is she doing? And with a very sick man. Dimitri’s breath was warm against her face as she gazed up at him with wide violet eyes. So large and intimidating even when lying down. Not that she was scared of him. Rather, she feared what he thought of her more than anything he could do. Her feet barely touched his ankles if she stretched out perfectly straight. )
–We will have to manage.
you could both fit on the bed if you laid on his chest el 👀🥴
[Dimitri maneuvers himself the way she wants, back to the wall. He prefers it that way, being able to face the door and still see with his good eye. The other he gingerly let press into the top of his arm where he'd laid it up over the pillows above her head to give her more room. Seeing her like this in her nightgown, sprawled next to him in the sheets... Well, it certainly would have been far too much for the Dimitri long ago in academy. He thinks briefly about what he'd have felt like had she invited him here then, as silly teenagers trying to feel something normal... He swallows and meets her gaze.]
[He has to bend his knees just slightly to keep his feet on the bed and in the small space between them he feels his legs gently press against hers.]
Is this fine?
[Somehow the predicament of it, sharing a bed with a girl he'd liked for... over a decade now, somehow made him feel just a bit more normal. The feeling of her hands on his chest is so calming somehow. He wants to kiss her fingers, her palms, up her scarred wrists. Dimitri focuses on her to brush the sudden thoughts away.]
( The thumping of her heart could be felt in her throat. Swallowing back how anxious she felt with their faces only inches away from each other. Edelgard was the one with delusions now. Closing her eyes and leaning in closer to his lips. What face does she make? Doesn’t she just let the man kiss her however he pleases? Waiting and waiting, nothing in return. The moment was wrong. It wasn’t to be. Too embarrassed to answer for her actions, wrapping her arms around him instead, burying her face in his chest.
The room was dimly lit, Edelgard electing to keep one of the candles burning by the bedside. His chest was oddly comforting. Her flushed face stayed under his strong chin, listening to Dimitri’s beating heart. When was the last time she’d been this close to another person? The Emperor was speechless… )
[The way the shadows cast from the candle make her blur at the edges of his vision. It's difficult to see up close anyway, with just one eye, and as her face gets closer to his he wonders if this is the moment she's going to disappear. If she will fade into the corner of his eye and he'll be left on a moldy mattress in the dark. Don't sleep on the floor any longer, please, she told him. You have so much more to live for. Her soft words rang through his mind, casting away the cobwebs, breaking up the voices threatening to drown her out again. If he focused on her it was so quiet, it was just the two of them, where it was safe and warm.]
[She moves to bury her face in his chest and he blinks, coming out of his stupor. Had he fallen asleep? No, he couldn't have. Edelgard was still there with him. He looked at the shadows that fell over her soft hair from the light, places where it made the white strands look far darker than they were. Briefly he remembered how her hair had once been, a pretty light brown he could see snowflakes cling to. Dimitri wraps his free arm around her shoulders, letting her cling against his chest as his own heart races. Being so close to someone was so strange it nearly made him feel... sick? No, that was the wrong word. He longed for something he didn't have the words for. Even though they'd been intimate in the bathhouse having her pressed against him, feeling her body alive and warm and thrumming against him was... so very different. Dimitri shifted to let his face rest against her hair, just barely able to peek out from her head to look at the door when he needed to.]
El... [He feels breathless. His hand clings into the back of her nightgown, bunching the fabric in his grip.] El, I...
[Love you. Miss You. Hate You. Want You. I love you! His heart felt so full. His words wouldn't come out, caught in his throat.]
( His words calmed her. Perhaps he didn’t notice it was meant to be a kiss. Edelgard’s feelings for Dimitri were still very floaty. If she dared to pursue him it would be a chain reaction. Not only would it complicate the war effort which was still very much ongoing outside the peaceful walls of their old school yard, but it wouldn’t end happily ever after like they both wanted it to. They were two different people with very different ideals on how to rule. While he was complacent she was ruthlessly ready for change. The thought circled around Edelgard’s mind over and over again despite her desperate actions. She wanted her dreams and to feel loved… Yet she knows she’ll only get one.
With all those realistic, logical thoughts somehow the sound of his heart drowned them silent. She was exhausted. Before the Adrestian Emperor knew it she was sleeping with her enemy. Dimitri’s warm breath against her hair. His large, masculine hands against her back. Slowly, her own hand started to rub his back softly – gently. Just as she would like to be treated. At least they were both still alive… )
…Yes?
( What did he want to say? What was in the back of his throat struggling to be said? She felt his heart start to race against her ear as Edelgard got comfortable. The thought of so many things she wanted to hear at that moment. )
Edited 2022-02-26 19:00 (UTC)
i only have neutral to feral expressions none of them work for this either lol
[The smell of her soap was so comforting to him. Her hair was still a bit damp from the steam of the sauna and he pressed his nose against it, inhaling her scent. His heart ached in his chest as it pounded, like some unseen force was making him feel overwarm. He was just so unused to being touched, to being held. Even before his five long years in the wilderness, the last time someone had held him had been... As far away in his memory as Duscur. He had been so needy for attention in academy because of it, making his puppy eyes at her or Claude or anyone else who might give him attention. Now that he had it, had her arms around him and holding him, he felt like he might panic.]
[But instead he just relaxes his shoulders, leans into the smell of her soap. His eye flutters shut against her hair.]
Thank you. [His voice still sounds a bit choked, almost tearful. She's making him feel so vulnerable.]
Please... Don't let this be a dream. Promise me...?
I promise… everything is real, Dimitri. You’re not dreaming. You haven’t died… ( An uncontrollable yawn. ) Sleep now. You need your rest.
( That is how their night ended. At least for the Emperor of Adrestia. Edelgard didn’t last much longer being pressed against his warm chest, listening to his heart beat. The truth of their relationship was so very complicated. From childhood crush, to someone she’d forgotten, to whatever he’d become. Now more than ever Dimitri needed structure brought back into his life. The kind of tender loving care that no one was left to allot him. Was it in her hands now? To fix him, pick up the pieces and put him back together? Was there still a man that could kiss her underneath the madness that spinned around inside his head?
Yet another dream came to her in the night. Another memory, like breadcrumbs leading her into the past she followed them into the dark. What she found was a snow covered courtyard, a stable filled with horses and pegasus, a proud king with a tendency to spoil a little price, a warm fireplace with a bearskin rug, a ballroom with arched stained glass windows… A place once forgotten. A dream not a nightmare. She taught him how to dance, they frolicked in the snow, and Edelgard missed her father. It wasn’t a nightmare, yet… she felt just as painful. He was there in her final moments of happiness. Kind, timid and gentle. Naive and sweet, sheltered from the wrongs of his world.
He kissed her… That was the first time. It was the last time.
Edelgard didn’t speak of her tears when she woke. The circles under his eyes told her everything – Dimitri hadn’t slept. Not much at least. There was no more time for sleep, however. They had woken late. When she’d opened the bedroom door, Hubert was waiting for her. She will most likely never forget the look in his eyes. Terrified – as if the door would open and his beloved’s head would have rolled to his feet. A cocktail of emotion so rarely expressed… Somehow, between the two men’s animosity for one another, Edelgard managed to get dressed and proper. As for Dimitri they didn’t exactly have a change of clothing but she did manage to make him sit and allow her brush to rip through the rats in his hair. Perhaps it was his jealousy of Hubert that allowed Edelgard so close to his scalp.
The dining hall was filled with familiar faces. Those that had been missing graced the halls of Garreg Mach Monastery. Among those souls included Dimitri’s old classmates. Sylvain and Ingrid are some of the first to approach him. It was around this time that Edelgard distanced herself from him, allowing his friend to shower him with overstimulating attention. She vanished into the background along with Hubert in hopes to avoid any talks of the ongoing war. Having kept herself far out of reach of those that opposed her. She steered clear of Mister Riegan. Though, inevitably, she was forced into a conversion with her long lost teacher.
The lack of productivity was eating away at Edelgard. Typically, she would be sitting around a round table with her most trusted knights planning their next move. However, in the halls of their old school yard a promise has been made. They would keep their weapons sheathed – peace for teacher. A promise Edelgard was willing to keep despite her anxious desires to keep moving. She wonders how far her targets have roamed. Wishing they could find even one more clue to their whereabouts.
The books of the library she had read only a thousand times. Not to mention they had been filtered by the church all those years ago there was little information left to gain from them. However, as if fate knew of her nervous boredom, yet another familiar face finds her in the form of dear Constance. It seems the people of Abyss continued to find shelter in its halls even after the war began. She invited the curious Emperor to their expanded library of information. Of course, this was just another chance for Constance to plead for a crumb of power. Nonetheless, Edelgard found herself in the catacombs of the Abyss. Investigating into information that had once been long lost to time. Hubert doing God’s work in keeping Constance entertained while she studied. Though, she was sure soon enough they would trade off for his own curiosity was surely teased by this collection. If anyone were to be looking for her they would find her in the Abyss. )
[Dimitri had spent the night slipping in and out of consciousness. He had been grievously injured in the five years he'd spent alone and one night of washing and caring wasn't going to change that. Still, he was terrified that what had happened in the last few hours wasn't real. That he would wake up somewhere filthy and cold with his head splitting in pain and fever. The voices whispering in his head wouldn't help, pleading with him to do something about the woman currently in his arms. So he had laid there for hours, falling asleep in exhaustion for a while before his dreams or his pain woke him with a start and he had to once again make sure Edelgard really true was still there sleeping in his arms. When light finally broke through the window in the morning his vision was bleary but it helped chase the ghosts of his mind away.]
[She looked so beautiful sleeping in the morning light.]
[He'd stared, not realising he'd fallen back asleep until she was pushing at his chest to wake up. He was slow to move, watching her slide out of bed and go to the door before he even shifted up to sit on the edge of the bed. Dimitri watches her exchange with Hubert (for more clothes, something like that,) unmoving from where he sat, and was even so bold as to keep his eye on her as she busied herself around the room getting herself ready. Something about the way she spoke to her servant made him feel strangely irritated, and he was glad to see the ghoulish man disappear when the door shut. It was enough to let her stand in front of him between his thighs, leaning his face into the shoulder of her dress as her brush pulled and ripped through years worth of knots in his hair. Ultimately, it would need cut but she had been determined to put it into some kind of order.]
[Breakfast had been too much for him. Everyone wanted to speak to him, to be near to him. Friends faces who had haunted him in his long exile were there now smiling and talking to him as if nothing had ever happened. It was only teacher, after Edelgard had left, who saved him from the pressuring of others to take him to the cathedral. It was more cleaned up than it had been when Edelgard had come to find him but nothing else mattered when he saw who was waiting for him. Standing next to Mercedes in the heavenly light filtered through the stained glass of the church was Dedue. No phantom, no farce. Dedue. The next few hours had been a blur for Dimitri, unable to see through tears that stung and made him shake. Between teacher, Mercedes, and Dedue (his Dedue) they had been able to... subdue Dimitri enough to actually look at all of his injuries and get to tending them.]
[It was hours later that the fallen prince had finally had enough of the fussing and prodding and attention. He'd also realised he hadn't seen Edelgard in... how long? How long had it been since she had left him with his companions, with teacher? She was never here to begin with. Why would she be here? She killed all your friends. She's in Enbarr, you're going to tear her to shreds-- Dimitri had stormed away from the others as his thoughts got loud and angry, tearing through the grounds looking for any sign of the emperor at all. After a (terrifying for her, probably,) altercation with Lysithea when he had spotted her white hair, she had pointed him in the direction she'd seen Edelgard and Constance go earlier in the day. Down into the Abyss. It had been many years since then, but Dimitri was no stranger to the winding corridors underneath Garreg Mach. He'd even chased some of the rats out of it when he'd arrived at the monastery... who knew how long ago. Protecting the place for teacher's eventual return.]
[He finds her in the dusty library looking... more like himself. In clothes that fit him, though still nothing meant for war. A soft blue shirt that tied at the neck, black trousers, boots on his feet. Mercedes had worked herself through the night so that their (former? future?) king would have clothes to wear when he came back from the dead. His right eye was bandaged now, white tape holding everything in place at his hairline and across his cheek. They had scrubbed his wounds thoroughly, bandaged him, healed him where they could. Teacher and Dedue had held him down while Mercedes crawled on top of him to dig filth out of his eye socket. If Edelgard hadn't been in Abyss she might have heard his screams. Now his head just felt dull and throbbed incessantly. Dimitri almost seems human as he scrapes a chair across the floor behind her and turns it to sit close by, leaning onto the back of it.]
Finally... Thank the Goddess you are somewhere quiet.
[There's no way he would have been able to tolerate more noise. More fussing. More crying.]
El... I thought-- [That you had disappeared, that you had never been there at all.]
( Edelgard turned to face him at the sound of his voice. It was low and gravely so she could tell Dimitri wasn’t exactly in the mood for too much company. The feeling was mutual… It is why she took Constance’s offer to come down here in the first place. )
I see you found me.
( She took a moment to place the book she had been studying on the reading desk in front of her. Many more books had been piled on top of one another. Needless to say, Edelgard had found plenty of entertainment. )
… And it seems someone has tended to your wounds. That’s wonderful, I hope you’re feeling better.
( Her eyes looked him up and down, noticing all the little things. Most of all his new clothing which suited him. The outfit was fitting for someone of his stature. )
You’re beginning to look more like yourself, Dimitri.
( Her voice was in that serious, motherly pitch Edelgard often had. Moving closer to break the distance between them. From scrubbing his face little blonde hairs poked from his chin, breaking free from their grimy prison. You could see how red his skin was under the patch. It had surely been sanitized finally. Dimitri hadn’t just gotten taller and wider but manlier over the five years he’d been missing. That once sweet babyface was no more. Like a puppy growing into their paws. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
🐁
When they were children… his pleading, pitiful blabbering didn’t create an ounce of empathy for her. But now? Looking at a broken man, tired and lost… alone. His kingdom was stolen, his pride robbed. What was left felt like a shell of someone she once knew.
She didn’t say anything. Staying put for Dimitri like he requested. Her mind began to wonder while waiting so patiently. Did he look just as poor under his trousers? His undershirt had been stuck to his skin with sweat, remembering how it tugged when she pleaded it off his body. She– She shouldn’t think of what lurks in his trousers… Such things were unbecoming. Edelgard remained lost in that thought on whether to think below the waist while the water dripped on the sauna floor as their only sound. So lost that she might have never even noticed the mouse at her feet if not for the small squeak.
A dreadful, awful, sound as the small creature scampered across the floor. Unable to hold back the scream that came from her lips. A girlish, terrified screech as she backed away uncontrollably. Still so afraid of rodents and other small beasts. )
D-Dimitri!
( Kill it! Petrified in fear, unable to even finish her command. )
🔪🔪🐭💀 animal death warning ig lol hi whoever is reading this fanfiction
[That awful scratching noise they made, the squeaks and chatter as they ran across his chest in the night. He could feel their teeth biting into his flesh, their little paws scratching at his face. The sound drove him, well, crazy even more so than the barking of dogs or the caterwauling of the cats that still scrounged around the monastery for food and shelter. The rats, the damned filthy rats! She didn't even have to scream his name by the time he was off the bench, his anger at the little creature enough to bypass the physical weakness that had been threatening to overtake him since before she took him into the bath.]
Filthy, vile-- damned-- creatures!
[It wasn't often a man could catch something as small as a mouse with his hands, but Dimitri had practice. Like a cat (or a lion?) pouncing, still half covered in soap, Dimitri lunged for the creature so fast he didn't realise he'd nearly knocked into Edelgard with one of his wide shoulders. Depth perception was still something he struggled with and with her to the right of him he hadn't gauged the distance well. That didn't matter to him though, as he snatched up the vermin in one big hand and squeezed until it popped.]
[Panting, knelt at her feet naked as the day he was born, Dimitri made sure the mouse was dead in his hand before throwing it as far away from her as he could into a dark corner of the bathhouse for someone else to find later.]
Dead... It's dead. It's quiet. It won't make noise anymore.
[Almost as if he's talking to himself.]
im in tears
Usually, Hubert was her designated rat killer. However, he would have gone about this with far more grace so as to not upset his majesty. )
…th-Thank you.
( What else do you say to something like that? Dimitri had the speed of a demon and crushed the beast with his bare hands before flinging it with such force across the room. Not to mention his bare naked body that Edelgard was struggling to keep her eyes off. )
Um… Excuse me.
( Turning away from him once more. This time to face a wall. Her cheeks were red with a fierce blush. He– She saw his–
D-Dimitri didn’t have much of a backside. Yes, that is all she saw. To think he had grown so much in so little time. Not that she had seen it before or anything! )
sad thread becomes comedy hours rip mickey mouse
[It's a little while later he finally takes the last bit of hot clean water and lifts the bucket above his head to rinse the soap off. It almost feels like the pain and torture he'd suffered over five long years was washed away with it. He shakes water off of his hair and face like a dog when he's done, using the back of his arm to rub it out of his bad eyelid when it stings but otherwise, he feels... A lot better.]
[Dimitri sighs, and looks at her back. She's still there, whether she's a phantom of his memories or not.]
Finished.
[Still, in the rational part of his brain he knows he has to have some kind of modesty. Especially after his rat killing performance. The towels she'd brought with them are a bit damp from the steam in the sauna but he unfurls one all the same to cover himself with it. He's too big to do much beyond wrapping it around his waist.]
I... don't know if there are clothes for me to wear.
[Who else was as big as Dimitri?]
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Those soft lavender eyes blinked, shoving her mind out of whatever gutter it attempted falling into. When she looked over her shoulder there he was… the towel wrapped around this thin waist. Even after five years of mistreatment Dimitri had still grown so large. With some tender loving care he would be fitter than he’d ever been before. Blemishes and sores still yet covered his skin. Suffering under his neglect. However, the steps to recovery had been taken. In time… the blue lion would live once more. )
I’m… sure we can find something for you to wear.
( Hubert was tall, of course he was the first to come to her mind. Though he was far too skinny… Perhaps Ferdinand? Edelgard brushed the thought of his figure from her mind. Feet slapping against the wet floor as she peered outside the door to see how cold it had become. To her surprise, a pair of men’s clothing was sitting just outside. It seems the professor might have had the same idea. Their owner was unknown to Edelgard, bringing the gift inside. Shutting the door of the sauna to keep the warm air inside. )
It seems someone already took the steps of getting you dressed.
( Oddly enough, the shirt might be too big for him… somehow. Holding it out by the shoulders. Her majesty didn’t know Claude’s friends. So she wouldn’t know Raphael was a large man more than big enough to share an outfit or two with Dimitri. Sloppily folding it back up and handing the garments over to Dimitri. Edelgard kept her eyes averted from his body while doing so with a light pink blush on her cheeks. )
Here… dress yourself and we’ll rejoin the others. We can at least check in with them and see who is still awake.
/shy didi
[Raphael is somehow even wider than Dimitri. His waist is too thin to keep the trousers up without the belt and when he gets to the buttons on the shirt it's... difficult. Dimitri has never been good at delicate things on top of having been a prince his whole life-- used to having others help dress him. It was a miracle he'd been able to get the armor he'd been wearing on. A few of the buttons snap off under his too-tight grip while he tries fitting them through the holes in the shirt. Frustrated he gives up halfway and closes his eye a moment, steadying his head again as another wave of pain washed over him. When he opens it again his gaze falls on the pile of his rotted, dirty clothes he'd had to peel off of himself earlier. Still barefoot he walks over to them and after rebalancing himself leans down to rummage through the pile.]
[With clothes on this time (or at least, trousers. His shirt is still unbuttoned,) he tapped Edelgard gently on the arm from behind. Almost like a child, nervous and hesitant.]
Here.
[Dimitri's voice is tight and smaller than it's been all evening. He's holding a little dagger in his hand, sheathed in worn leather to protect the blade. Of all the things he had kept clean and free from his delusions, Edelgard's dagger he had kept near pristine. He holds it out to her with the handle pointed toward her. He'd thought of sinking it deep into her heart on more than one occasion. Now he offers her the chance to do the same to him.]
It's yours. Have it back.
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The prince’s gift – “To carve her own path”. The Adrestian Emperor had certainly done her share of carving. Insisting the flames of war that had pledged their lands for five long, devastating years. Edelgard had her share of sins to pay. As does Dimitri.
She accepts the dagger, touching it tenderly, reminded once again of its warm presence. Holding it with the rest of her things. The buttons of his shirt being udon bothering her too much as Edelgard moves in closer to assist. Her small hands working up his chest, eyes fixated on the skin underneath. )
Was this for my heart?
( A hint of sadness in her voice. Upset with him in ways she can barely explain. How he despises her is painfully unfair. Such a selfish man that makes convenient excuses, delusional in his explanations. Was he finally willing to listen to reason? Edelgard worries what is left of Dimitri after all these years.
Her fingers reach his neck. Soft and gentle she pops the button though the hole. Warm hands fixing his collar, adjusting once to keep her boots around her arm. Edelgard wasn’t looking at him but she could tell Dimitri was looking at her. His intense stare made her feel vulnerable. Perhaps, if she were to put it in words, Dimitri would glare at you like the predator gazed at the prey. Right now those focused blue eyes were tired. She could tell he wanted her help… )
—Don’t answer. I already know… Nonetheless I’m happy to have it back. It’s a very special possession of mine.
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Don't lose it again.
[Don't throw it at him again, don't lodge it in his chest when he least expected it. Don't hurt him with it like you had when he had realised the Flame Emperor's true identity. Slowly he just reaches up to finish drying his hair, throwing the towel down away from him when he's done. His hair is still messy and full of rats needing to be brushed out, but he's clean and he's clothed. He nearly feels human again, despite the throbbing pain in his head. It was dulled now, pulsing behind the hole in his face every few minutes. He could at least hold himself upright now.]
[Dimitri feels the chill immediately when they leave the bathhouse. He's wearing less clothes than he has in a long time, he's barefooted, but it feels almost nice against his sore skin. Like walking out of the bath into the sharp Faerghus cold to brace oneself in the wind. There's not much noise left outside, the rest of the camp gone to sleep or gone to patrol, so when someone nigh materialises in front of them Dimitri almost loses it again.]
[It's only Hubert, with a warm shawl over one arm that he immediately unfurls and presses around Edelgard's shoulders to replace her cape for warmth. He'd known she would be wet from the steam but she's positively soaked. He cannot believe their professor truly made her go through with washing this beast of a man. He doesn't even look at Dimitri.]
Your majesty, there is still work being done on the living quarters but I have made the effort to clean out a bedroom for you and deliver your things there. I have also prepared your night clothes, you must change out of these wet ones as soon as possible.
[Dimitri looked between the two of them briefly, trying to catch up with what was being said as his head throbbed again. He stepped forward, one big hand reaching out to press against Edelgard's tiny shoulders, his one eye boring into Hubert like he was an interloper on the attack. What little bit of trust he felt for Edelgard he could not extend to her Imperial allies, and Hubert was probably the worst of them. He followed them the whole way to her bedroom, the same one she had used in school. What if it still smells like her? Dimitri is still glaring at Hubert, who looks similarly offended that they've been followed, unable to hide the disgust on his face.]
Don't-- [His voice is gravelly and low again, like before,] don't go, El.
[Hubert looks, if possible, more upset than ever.]
You cannot possibly think that it would be appropriate for Lady Edelgard to see you in her bedchambers. I must ask you to leave...
hubby icon
Hubert! I'll take it from here. You’re dismissed for the evening.
( Edelgard appreciated every inch of her court mage. Right down to his overbearing, overprotective eye. She could feel the intense panic her words are causing as he radiates worry. )
“B-But, your majesty. I couldn't possibly leave you alone with this… this beast.”
( His protest only embarrassed her more. Shoving him down the hall and continuing to plead with him to leave. )
I am more than capable of making that decision on my own, Hubert. Have a good night, please.
( She made her way back to Dimitri once Hubert stopped trying to follow her. Though, he didn’t leave the hallway letting her feel ashamed one last time. Shooing Dimitri into her old bedroom quickly before anyone else could see them. )
… Forgive me, Hubert can be overly concerned about my well being. Even when it is unwarranted.
( Now that they were alone, however. Edelgard wasn’t sure what to do with Dimitri. She still needed to change and these little rooms were never meant for two people. Usually Hubert would help her get undressed but Edelgard was sure she could manage without assistance. Like always… there was just one bed. The day continued to put her in the most unexpected situations. )
If you could give me a moment, Dimitri. Just… stand over there in the corner. I need to change for the night.
( Again, unsure what to do with him. Pointing to the corner of the room like a mother would to a child. She could feel his paranoia raising as the night grew longer and his energy drained. As much as she’s sure Dimitri would love otherwise, sleep will take them both soon enough. )
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[He stares at her a moment before just turning to look at the corner of the little bedroom, crossing his arms over himself. It's still cold compared to the bath. He misses her touch. She had touched Hubert's chest, it made him want her scratching his scalp again, or his shoulders. He gripped his hands tighter into fists against the fabric of his shirt. She couldn't disappear now, he could hear her in the room still, and yet... He swallowed down his fear, and decided talking to her would confirm she was still with him even if he couldn't see her. He had to believe that. She's just a voice in your head.]
He is worried about you, I understand.
[You could rip her head off with your bare hands why are you hesitating?!]
It is good that he brought you something warm.
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As for her hair… Well, Edelgard struggled with putting it on and off on her own. Usually if Hubert wasn’t around to help her she would just wear a side ponytail to avoid messing with it entirely. Thankfully she managed without much pain. Her snow white hair had grown even longer over these past five years. Like aforementioned, she pulled it to the side wrapped in a ponytail to sleep in. )
Thank you, I’m dressed now. You’re free to turn around.
( She slipped her bare feet into the slippers Hubert had brought her. They lacked backing, pink in color. Dimitri wasn’t the only one still feeling cold after their sauna adventure. Sitting on the bed, arms in her lap, looking at him with a somewhat tired expression. )
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I should sleep on the floor, then.
[It was common courtesy enough to let the lady have the bed, that much he knew still even after all these years. Yet he still lingered there on his feet, gazing down at her. He couldn't sleep, even if he wanted to. He couldn't let her disappear.]
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You should rest in bed…
( Yet, she stops herself from finishing. Her violet eyes looked side to side… the mattress wasn’t exactly meant for two. Edelgard isn’t sure why she hadn’t considered that already but all their interactions had left her mind distracted. She had somehow imagined they would both have room between them. The thought of spending the night so close to him made her thighs squeeze tight.
What was she doing allowing herself such ideas? )
We can share it. ( Her eyes darted away while the words left her lips ) Unless you disapprove of such things.
( Edelgard’s brain knew otherwise, they shouldn’t be doing this, especially with how Dimitri’s mind had been when she found him only hours before – what it was like right now, yet once she managed to speak her words betray her. It wasn’t the only thing that betrayed her either…
Maybe it was a mixture of things. She had grown tired of Hubert’s rejections. Ever since they were teens she’d been trying to court him to no avail. They had done things – he was just a man, after all. All men have their breaking points. But nothing truly intimate on the level she’d been seeking. They had never dated. The two of them only ever touched through the clothing. Her sweet Hubert worried about “her image” more than himself and at times Edelgard struggled understanding his complicated feelings on the matter. He wanted her love but in a very different way. Perhaps that’s why the subject of “men” has been off putting for so long. Their rejection would sting too badly. What was a man to do with her broken body but use it?
…And, yet…. This fluttering rush of girlish emotion overtakes her. Edelgard had fed him, bathed him, dressed him… and now they were to share a bed together. The boy from her memories was grown, tethered and broken. He needed her support. That healing touch of compassion. Not thinking about her war, or teacher, or even what came tomorrow. Only Dimitri. It made her feel stupid somewhere in the more logical part of her brain. )
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[He takes her little hands suddenly. He can't stop looking at them.]
I won't hurt you.
[A strange thing to say so suddenly. Dimitri's voice is gravely as before, but he clearly has conviction behind his words. Everything in his mind is telling him to grab her and throttle her, voices of corpses begging him to take her head from her shoulders-- but he focuses on her little hands instead, lifting them to press against the sides of his face. He couldn't hurt her, wouldn't hurt her. Not his El.]
I won't... I can't. I promise...
[His lone eye finally looks back to her face, meeting her gaze, as his lips brush the palm of her hand.]
/dramatic. sorry lol
G-Good… I’d expect nothing less. I’ve been nothing but nice to you—
( She stops herself from any further bitching… it won’t help the situation.
The way he stared at her so intently. Edelgard continued to struggle, looking him in the eye when she spoke but directing it elsewhere after the fact. Nothing could shake her shyness. She half wanted to simply jump him and end this back and forth. Remove this awful timidness from the conversation entirely. Take control and dominate. Do everything for him physically and emotionally for the best of both of them.
And, yet… Even after all the waring and politics. All the arguments, all the fighting… the death and how numb everything makes you. She still would rather the boy she liked take the steps to court her over Edelgard doing everything for him. She would rather he kissed her first – tell her he loved her first – asked to court her first… Such childish desires expected from someone that could barely stay within reality. )
…I definitely want to see you sleep in a bed tonight. You were closer to death's door than you realize. ( I care about you, Dimitri ) In fact, please don’t sleep on the floor any longer. ( That’s unbecoming of a man that wears a crown. ) It’s not only degrading, but you can’t allow your health to drop any further. ( You’ll die. You’ll die and leave nothing behind. )
You have so much more to live for.
( A kingdom, a wife, children and people who love him. Things that Edelgard can only imagine. With her broken, destroyed body no heir will come from her. No husband that she’d like – no point in taking one. If all goes her way, which she will continue to fight for, teachers' wishes or otherwise, she’ll be able to pass on her legacy to someone worthy enough to protect her ideals. It is Edelgard’s dreams that will pass onto the next life. It’s something she’s known for a long time. Despite her tropes loyalties she knows deep down she can’t see them as anything but pawns until the very last battle is won. Her painful discontent with humanity leaves the Emperor feeling hollow. This monster in front of her the only thing that seems to make her feel tonight. )
girl dramatic is my middle name
I will ...simply have to listen to your advice.
[Regardless of the coherency of his sentences suddenly, he was still delusional enough to keep her little hands close to his face, press his lips against her skin.]
[It made him feel so... It was so...]
It's so quiet now. [He's closed his eye at some point, his blond lashes flutter against his cheek as he opens it again to gaze at her.]
Just... Suddenly very quiet, El. It must be time for sleep.
[But he didn't mean noise in the hallway, of course not.]
[His memory of her scathing voice chiding him, teasing him in academy had chased the voices away for just a moment's peace.]
will they fuck?
A deep breath as she stood up, wanting Dimitri to lay against the wall. Considering his size, it would be easier for Edelgard to find a position once he was settled. Doing so with very little room to spare. She was basically on the edge of the mattress if she wasn’t pressed against his chest. In their current circumstance Edelgard would much rather face him than… spoon him. They would just have to make room for her arms somehow between them. Wrapping them around him felt far too intimate. Resting her palms against his chest. )
I… I have very little room, s-so–
( Listen to her? Edelgard was falling apart. No longer feeling like herself. Everything about this was unlike her. She asks again; what is she doing? And with a very sick man. Dimitri’s breath was warm against her face as she gazed up at him with wide violet eyes. So large and intimidating even when lying down. Not that she was scared of him. Rather, she feared what he thought of her more than anything he could do. Her feet barely touched his ankles if she stretched out perfectly straight. )
–We will have to manage.
you could both fit on the bed if you laid on his chest el 👀🥴
[He has to bend his knees just slightly to keep his feet on the bed and in the small space between them he feels his legs gently press against hers.]
Is this fine?
[Somehow the predicament of it, sharing a bed with a girl he'd liked for... over a decade now, somehow made him feel just a bit more normal. The feeling of her hands on his chest is so calming somehow. He wants to kiss her fingers, her palms, up her scarred wrists. Dimitri focuses on her to brush the sudden thoughts away.]
Come closer, if you need.
noooo!!! she would die
The room was dimly lit, Edelgard electing to keep one of the candles burning by the bedside. His chest was oddly comforting. Her flushed face stayed under his strong chin, listening to Dimitri’s beating heart. When was the last time she’d been this close to another person? The Emperor was speechless… )
he'd keep you extra warm 🥰🥰
[She moves to bury her face in his chest and he blinks, coming out of his stupor. Had he fallen asleep? No, he couldn't have. Edelgard was still there with him. He looked at the shadows that fell over her soft hair from the light, places where it made the white strands look far darker than they were. Briefly he remembered how her hair had once been, a pretty light brown he could see snowflakes cling to. Dimitri wraps his free arm around her shoulders, letting her cling against his chest as his own heart races. Being so close to someone was so strange it nearly made him feel... sick? No, that was the wrong word. He longed for something he didn't have the words for. Even though they'd been intimate in the bathhouse having her pressed against him, feeling her body alive and warm and thrumming against him was... so very different. Dimitri shifted to let his face rest against her hair, just barely able to peek out from her head to look at the door when he needed to.]
El... [He feels breathless. His hand clings into the back of her nightgown, bunching the fabric in his grip.] El, I...
[Love you. Miss You. Hate You. Want You. I love you! His heart felt so full. His words wouldn't come out, caught in his throat.]
no icon moment
With all those realistic, logical thoughts somehow the sound of his heart drowned them silent. She was exhausted. Before the Adrestian Emperor knew it she was sleeping with her enemy. Dimitri’s warm breath against her hair. His large, masculine hands against her back. Slowly, her own hand started to rub his back softly – gently. Just as she would like to be treated. At least they were both still alive… )
…Yes?
( What did he want to say? What was in the back of his throat struggling to be said? She felt his heart start to race against her ear as Edelgard got comfortable. The thought of so many things she wanted to hear at that moment. )
i only have neutral to feral expressions none of them work for this either lol
[But instead he just relaxes his shoulders, leans into the smell of her soap. His eye flutters shut against her hair.]
Thank you. [His voice still sounds a bit choked, almost tearful. She's making him feel so vulnerable.]
Please... Don't let this be a dream. Promise me...?
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( That is how their night ended. At least for the Emperor of Adrestia. Edelgard didn’t last much longer being pressed against his warm chest, listening to his heart beat. The truth of their relationship was so very complicated. From childhood crush, to someone she’d forgotten, to whatever he’d become. Now more than ever Dimitri needed structure brought back into his life. The kind of tender loving care that no one was left to allot him. Was it in her hands now? To fix him, pick up the pieces and put him back together? Was there still a man that could kiss her underneath the madness that spinned around inside his head?
Yet another dream came to her in the night. Another memory, like breadcrumbs leading her into the past she followed them into the dark. What she found was a snow covered courtyard, a stable filled with horses and pegasus, a proud king with a tendency to spoil a little price, a warm fireplace with a bearskin rug, a ballroom with arched stained glass windows… A place once forgotten. A dream not a nightmare. She taught him how to dance, they frolicked in the snow, and Edelgard missed her father. It wasn’t a nightmare, yet… she felt just as painful. He was there in her final moments of happiness. Kind, timid and gentle. Naive and sweet, sheltered from the wrongs of his world.
He kissed her… That was the first time. It was the last time.
Edelgard didn’t speak of her tears when she woke. The circles under his eyes told her everything – Dimitri hadn’t slept. Not much at least. There was no more time for sleep, however. They had woken late. When she’d opened the bedroom door, Hubert was waiting for her. She will most likely never forget the look in his eyes. Terrified – as if the door would open and his beloved’s head would have rolled to his feet. A cocktail of emotion so rarely expressed… Somehow, between the two men’s animosity for one another, Edelgard managed to get dressed and proper. As for Dimitri they didn’t exactly have a change of clothing but she did manage to make him sit and allow her brush to rip through the rats in his hair. Perhaps it was his jealousy of Hubert that allowed Edelgard so close to his scalp.
The dining hall was filled with familiar faces. Those that had been missing graced the halls of Garreg Mach Monastery. Among those souls included Dimitri’s old classmates. Sylvain and Ingrid are some of the first to approach him. It was around this time that Edelgard distanced herself from him, allowing his friend to shower him with overstimulating attention. She vanished into the background along with Hubert in hopes to avoid any talks of the ongoing war. Having kept herself far out of reach of those that opposed her. She steered clear of Mister Riegan. Though, inevitably, she was forced into a conversion with her long lost teacher.
The lack of productivity was eating away at Edelgard. Typically, she would be sitting around a round table with her most trusted knights planning their next move. However, in the halls of their old school yard a promise has been made. They would keep their weapons sheathed – peace for teacher. A promise Edelgard was willing to keep despite her anxious desires to keep moving. She wonders how far her targets have roamed. Wishing they could find even one more clue to their whereabouts.
The books of the library she had read only a thousand times. Not to mention they had been filtered by the church all those years ago there was little information left to gain from them. However, as if fate knew of her nervous boredom, yet another familiar face finds her in the form of dear Constance. It seems the people of Abyss continued to find shelter in its halls even after the war began. She invited the curious Emperor to their expanded library of information. Of course, this was just another chance for Constance to plead for a crumb of power. Nonetheless, Edelgard found herself in the catacombs of the Abyss. Investigating into information that had once been long lost to time. Hubert doing God’s work in keeping Constance entertained while she studied. Though, she was sure soon enough they would trade off for his own curiosity was surely teased by this collection. If anyone were to be looking for her they would find her in the Abyss. )
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[She looked so beautiful sleeping in the morning light.]
[He'd stared, not realising he'd fallen back asleep until she was pushing at his chest to wake up. He was slow to move, watching her slide out of bed and go to the door before he even shifted up to sit on the edge of the bed. Dimitri watches her exchange with Hubert (for more clothes, something like that,) unmoving from where he sat, and was even so bold as to keep his eye on her as she busied herself around the room getting herself ready. Something about the way she spoke to her servant made him feel strangely irritated, and he was glad to see the ghoulish man disappear when the door shut. It was enough to let her stand in front of him between his thighs, leaning his face into the shoulder of her dress as her brush pulled and ripped through years worth of knots in his hair. Ultimately, it would need cut but she had been determined to put it into some kind of order.]
[Breakfast had been too much for him. Everyone wanted to speak to him, to be near to him. Friends faces who had haunted him in his long exile were there now smiling and talking to him as if nothing had ever happened. It was only teacher, after Edelgard had left, who saved him from the pressuring of others to take him to the cathedral. It was more cleaned up than it had been when Edelgard had come to find him but nothing else mattered when he saw who was waiting for him. Standing next to Mercedes in the heavenly light filtered through the stained glass of the church was Dedue. No phantom, no farce. Dedue. The next few hours had been a blur for Dimitri, unable to see through tears that stung and made him shake. Between teacher, Mercedes, and Dedue (his Dedue) they had been able to... subdue Dimitri enough to actually look at all of his injuries and get to tending them.]
[It was hours later that the fallen prince had finally had enough of the fussing and prodding and attention. He'd also realised he hadn't seen Edelgard in... how long? How long had it been since she had left him with his companions, with teacher? She was never here to begin with. Why would she be here? She killed all your friends. She's in Enbarr, you're going to tear her to shreds-- Dimitri had stormed away from the others as his thoughts got loud and angry, tearing through the grounds looking for any sign of the emperor at all. After a (terrifying for her, probably,) altercation with Lysithea when he had spotted her white hair, she had pointed him in the direction she'd seen Edelgard and Constance go earlier in the day. Down into the Abyss. It had been many years since then, but Dimitri was no stranger to the winding corridors underneath Garreg Mach. He'd even chased some of the rats out of it when he'd arrived at the monastery... who knew how long ago. Protecting the place for teacher's eventual return.]
[He finds her in the dusty library looking... more like himself. In clothes that fit him, though still nothing meant for war. A soft blue shirt that tied at the neck, black trousers, boots on his feet. Mercedes had worked herself through the night so that their (former? future?) king would have clothes to wear when he came back from the dead. His right eye was bandaged now, white tape holding everything in place at his hairline and across his cheek. They had scrubbed his wounds thoroughly, bandaged him, healed him where they could. Teacher and Dedue had held him down while Mercedes crawled on top of him to dig filth out of his eye socket. If Edelgard hadn't been in Abyss she might have heard his screams. Now his head just felt dull and throbbed incessantly. Dimitri almost seems human as he scrapes a chair across the floor behind her and turns it to sit close by, leaning onto the back of it.]
Finally... Thank the Goddess you are somewhere quiet.
[There's no way he would have been able to tolerate more noise. More fussing. More crying.]
El... I thought-- [That you had disappeared, that you had never been there at all.]
... you might be harder to find.
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I see you found me.
( She took a moment to place the book she had been studying on the reading desk in front of her. Many more books had been piled on top of one another. Needless to say, Edelgard had found plenty of entertainment. )
… And it seems someone has tended to your wounds. That’s wonderful, I hope you’re feeling better.
( Her eyes looked him up and down, noticing all the little things. Most of all his new clothing which suited him. The outfit was fitting for someone of his stature. )
You’re beginning to look more like yourself, Dimitri.
( Her voice was in that serious, motherly pitch Edelgard often had. Moving closer to break the distance between them. From scrubbing his face little blonde hairs poked from his chin, breaking free from their grimy prison. You could see how red his skin was under the patch. It had surely been sanitized finally. Dimitri hadn’t just gotten taller and wider but manlier over the five years he’d been missing. That once sweet babyface was no more. Like a puppy growing into their paws. )
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*trying to have a romantic moment with the girl he likes* his brain: lmao bet
she wishes dimitri's mental illness wouldn't get in the way of her romantic moment
"didi could you just stop being mentally ill for one fucking second thx 💋"
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writes my baby dimigard fanfiction
comment 69 was el putting lip gloss on him I just realized B)
👄💄💏
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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imagine i have an icon where his eye is welling up with tears in a pretty cry way
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it took 14 years but he finally got the girl 😌 perseverance
when the tsundere takes 14 years but she finally dates you.... baka
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fuck im crying lol
when the blorbos make u cry
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