[Dimitri heaves out a breath but the pain is starting to numb a little bit. He can focus on the heat of the steam and her warm hands and the water and it feels a little better. Easier to ignore, maybe. At least with most of the dirt and pus gone the skin has some kind of relief. His hands remain on her shoulders just as they were, gripping but not too tight, but he lets her ease him back to sitting straight again. Under the dirt on his face he had more sores, his skin in bad shape after five years, but he's looking more human now. More like the Dimitri she had once known.]
[If that Dimitri still existed at all, he would have been just as focused on her soft touches and gentle words. Watched her move around so gracefully, as she took care of him. If they were still in academy like this, Dimitri surely would have perished from his own blushing. After all, the sauna heat did get to both of them. In fact, Dimitri takes the red in her face as a biproduct of the heat from the steam. Like before, when their classmates would tease them from having to tap out of sauna time early. Even Dimitri, from the land of ice and snow, wasn't able to stand the heat.]
Well... I'll have to. [He clears his throat, for the first time attempting to knock the gravel out of it.]
--T-to ask you later. After.
[He reacts a little differently to the comment of his smell, his brow furrowing a little. He'd heard other people (Hilda) at dinner mention the same but he supposed he'd simply gotten too used to it to notice anymore. The scent of her soap was so incredible compared to whatever filth he'd been living in he couldn't smell anything else right now. It was sort of relieving in a way, to know his sense of smell hadn't really been taken from him along with his sense of taste. At least... at least he had that. Slowly Dimitri moves his hands from her shoulders so she can keep cleaning him up, dropping them to his lap.]
I'll let you wash me.
[Dimitri's a little too far gone to realise how that sounds... But he's being pitiful and gentle in the very least. Anything to make his head stop burning.]
( A deep sigh exhales from her chest. Leaning away from him, preparing to wash his hair next. His demands would simply have to be met. Though, she expects next time he’d like something to be asked with a little more grace. Edelgard stood up briefly to run a fresh pale of warm water to dump on his head. Sitting back down with the bucket beside her. She takes Dimitri’s hand, moving it to cover his eye for her. It would be a challenge but she would do her best to keep any more soap or water from stinging him.
The thought of warming him came to mind, but with how Dimitri was at the moment it sounded better to just shove him around to get him into the positions that worked best. Fingers tipped his chin back. Brushing his long, untamed bangs from his face. She did her best to keep the water on the edge of his scalp. Sitting up on her knees just to climb the tall man. )
I can’t imagine how you’ll feel once we’re finished, Dimitri. I can’t believe you’re even alive in this condition... Just bare with me.
( Back to “mothering” him. The man was rambling nonsense while jumping back and forth between reality and insanity. Gentle words worked best. Though scolding seem to affect him as well.
The bath water was a nice temperature, hot enough to cleanse his aching body. You could hear the sound of the water hitting the bench beneath them as the pale was dumped. Another sigh as she once again leaned over to fish around in her things. Next comes the shampoo. He would simply have to smell like a woman for now there was nothing Edelgard could do about that. Her fingers dug into his hair, scratching his scalp, nails breaking up the dead skin. The back of his skull was his warm spot, having collected much of the scabs. She could tell it was drawing blood but… she refused to allow it to fester any longer. He would pay the price for this mistreatment. At least he was getting clean. )
[This time, Dimitri listens. He keeps his hand over his eye socket (he doesn't want her looking at it anyway,) keeps his head tipped back despite how he swayed with the pain. If anything the most annoying feeling was her fingers tugging at his knotted hair to push it back, and the sting of soap as some inevitably did drip down his face. Probably for the best, more soap was what he needed just about everywhere. The scent of her soap is all encompassing. He breathes out sharply through his nose when water passes over his face, huffing and snorting like a beast...]
[But he behaves as best he can.]
[Her nails, somehow, feel better than any scratching he could do himself (probably the soap, Dima,) and it soothes him almost immediately. His good eye has been squeezed shut tightly to keep anything from going into it (terrifying,) but as she digs her nails into him he starts to relax. It feels good, too good, when she scratches. He lets out a deep sigh and sinks down a bit to give her a better angle to reach every spot she felt like, grumbling pleasantly. She was so small, he kept forgetting. With his eye closed he couldn't see her, only feel her, and it was...]
Feels good... already.
[His voice has been soft and low the whole time they've been in the bathhouse but now it's downright faint. Certainly not the booming, scared voice he'd used earlier with her in the cathedral. His other hand moves up to cover his good eye (now he looks like a child at bath time,) to let her move his head all around however she needs to wash him. His hair needs brushed and definitely cut but for now getting it clean like this would have to do. Under the muck and grime was the same flaxen blond hair he'd always had. The blond that matched his eyelashes. Even as she scratched away bloody scabs it felt better. Any kind of pain was less than the pain behind his missing eye and a welcome distraction.]
Perhaps... Spite alone. [In reference to "how are you even alive, Dimitri".]
( A smile creeped onto her face. Just look at him? Leaning over for her like a little boy in the bath. Shoving himself against her fingers like a sad puppy dog. He doesn’t look cute. Nothing about him is charming in the slightest. She’s only trying to help him and Dimitri is taking advantage of her kindness. Right?
Edelgard did the best she could with his hair. Some of the worst rats were in the back where she assumed he would twist and turn throughout the night. Tangled terribly, it would need to be cut. She couldn’t picture trying to run a brush through it in its current state. However, even with all the rats and knots, it was slowly coming out that bright golden blonde. He really did end up looking like his father… That had been so long ago. Faintly she remembers her mother commenting on how handsome Lambert was while she stuck her tongue out at the idea. Adults and their gross ideas of each other. Such an innocent time… Edelgard had Dimitri and his dagger to thank for those memories. )
How’s that feel? Better?
( Her nails scratched behind his ears and around the hairline, back against his neck where all the sweat collected. Tilting his chin once more when it was time to rinse him off. The water that fell to the ground was filthy. Much like he had been… Edelgard still sayed rather unsure about her bare arms and wrists in his view but Dimitri was so out of it perhaps it didn’t matter. The scars from her childhood were visible where veins could be easily accessed. It made her feel ugly, disgusting — like a monster. )
You’re starting to look more like the prince I once knew. Though, I’ll admit, you’ve gotten taller and wider since we last met.
( She refused to wash anything like his grotesque armpits or anything below his waist. Once his hair was rinsed, however, she did fill the pale up once more with warm water. )
I won’t be helping you any further. I’ll be right outside to give you your privacy. Do wash the rest.
( Edelgard whipped her face and hands clean with one of her own washcloths before Dimitri’s stink touched them. Leaving the cloth with an embroidered “E” in the coroner on the side of the pale while discarding the one used on his face. It wasn’t salvaged… best to just toss it rather than expect someone to clean it. Gathering his things, her high heels which she had taken off for the bathhouse hooked between her fingers. She left her soaps and other hygiene products with him. They all fit nicely into a little pink bag that was designated for bathing… Hubert was a bit meticulous when it came to managing her belongings… )
[He does feel better, even after the rinsing and the soap in his eyes and mouth. His scalp stings now that she's brought up all the dead skin and dirt and what's left beneath it is riddled with sores. But he feels better than he has in perhaps years. when she's finished washing his hair he snorts out water and spits at the floor away from her, shaking his head quite like a dog to get it out of his ears. He's light headed when she moves away from him and steadiest his hand against the bench to stay upright. The only thing that was keeping him awake at this point was pride and the idea of Edelgard disappearing if he closed his eye long enough. He rubs water out of it with his free hand to look at her while she gathers up her things and leaves more hot water out for him. He stares at her wet bare feet on the slatted wood floor.]
[Dimitri wants to reach out, to grab onto her and not let her go. His stomach sinks, churning with the food from dinner at the idea.]
Will you go away again?
[Voice small and pitiful as before. He looks back up to her face, water clinging to his long blond eyelashes. His useless eyelid flutters reflexively as he focuses on her.]
[He chokes on a lump in his throat.]
Will you disappear?
[Dimitri can wash himself, has enough sense left to know he can't expect her to do it. But he doesn't want to take his gaze off of her. Just in case... just in case...]
( His words cause a pause. She peaks behind her shoulder to look at him. Dimitri’s voice felt like it could reach out and grab her; laced with dread. )
No, you have nothing to fear for I fully plan on staying right outside the sauna.
( The realization that Dimitri clearly won’t believe that hits. His brain was very ill. Whatever being alone like this has caused it affected him in extreme ways. The floor was wet underneath her from the water splashing. Cold against her feet. Cold like loneliness… Edelgard can’t help but wonder what would become of her if she lost as much as he has. A rare empathy she doesn’t extend so casually. )
Or… would you rather me stay?
( She could… turn around and face the door, perhaps… That was a kindness Edelgard wouldn’t have expressed to just anyone. Her feelings for Dimitri are growing more complicated by the minute. The time they spend together is dangerous. What would healing him mean for her future? )
[Dimitri snuffs out another breath when she gives her compromise. He can't trust she won't disappear, no matter how she promises. She would walk out the door and she would disappear and he would wake up from this dream to the filthy, cold sauna filled with rats, as dirty and in pain as he was before.]
I... If you would.
[He even tried to make good on his word, finally unclasping his hand from the wooden bench to take the soap left over and the rag she's left. It smells like her too, his thumb brushes over the hand stitched E in the fabric. He starts to soap up the rag, the habits of washing ingrained in him enough to remember how to do it without faltering.]
[He's been dead for so long, but he could still do this. His voice sounds broken. Dimitri feels like he might cry, if she leaves him and he never sees her again. He looks back to her, desperate.]
Edelgard keeps her eyes on the door. Hearing the sounds of Dimitri washing away his pain. The way he begged was almost too much.
When they were children… his pleading, pitiful blabbering didn’t create an ounce of empathy for her. But now? Looking at a broken man, tired and lost… alone. His kingdom was stolen, his pride robbed. What was left felt like a shell of someone she once knew.
She didn’t say anything. Staying put for Dimitri like he requested. Her mind began to wonder while waiting so patiently. Did he look just as poor under his trousers? His undershirt had been stuck to his skin with sweat, remembering how it tugged when she pleaded it off his body. She– She shouldn’t think of what lurks in his trousers… Such things were unbecoming. Edelgard remained lost in that thought on whether to think below the waist while the water dripped on the sauna floor as their only sound. So lost that she might have never even noticed the mouse at her feet if not for the small squeak.
A dreadful, awful, sound as the small creature scampered across the floor. Unable to hold back the scream that came from her lips. A girlish, terrified screech as she backed away uncontrollably. Still so afraid of rodents and other small beasts. )
D-Dimitri!
( Kill it! Petrified in fear, unable to even finish her command. )
🔪🔪🐭💀 animal death warning ig lol hi whoever is reading this fanfiction
[Dimitri had watched her back for a while, before continuing on with his bath. It felt... pleasant, when his head wasn't spinning, to scrub himself down. Starting with his arms and shoulders, what parts of his back he could reach. His underarms, as she'd noted, were filthy and it took a few times scouring them before the hair beneath the dirt was wet and clean rather than clung with sweat. Taking the rest of his clothes off had been a chore. Just standing up to take off his trousers had him feeling weak, his head wobbling between his ears, but he managed it. He was even relatively clean when the squeak of the mouse made his head jerk up from where he'd been scrubbing the scabbing blood between his toes.]
[That awful scratching noise they made, the squeaks and chatter as they ran across his chest in the night. He could feel their teeth biting into his flesh, their little paws scratching at his face. The sound drove him, well, crazy even more so than the barking of dogs or the caterwauling of the cats that still scrounged around the monastery for food and shelter. The rats, the damned filthy rats! She didn't even have to scream his name by the time he was off the bench, his anger at the little creature enough to bypass the physical weakness that had been threatening to overtake him since before she took him into the bath.]
Filthy, vile-- damned-- creatures!
[It wasn't often a man could catch something as small as a mouse with his hands, but Dimitri had practice. Like a cat (or a lion?) pouncing, still half covered in soap, Dimitri lunged for the creature so fast he didn't realise he'd nearly knocked into Edelgard with one of his wide shoulders. Depth perception was still something he struggled with and with her to the right of him he hadn't gauged the distance well. That didn't matter to him though, as he snatched up the vermin in one big hand and squeezed until it popped.]
[Panting, knelt at her feet naked as the day he was born, Dimitri made sure the mouse was dead in his hand before throwing it as far away from her as he could into a dark corner of the bathhouse for someone else to find later.]
Dead... It's dead. It's quiet. It won't make noise anymore.
( Edelgard moved out of Dimitri’s way as he lunged past her. Timid hands under her chin like a shooken maiden. She could carve the head off a man with her battle ax but when it came to mice and rats Edelgard cowered in fear. If only her enemies knew, huh? Years of her childhood having been spent in a dungeon had created a phobia surrounding those creatures that scurried in the night.
Usually, Hubert was her designated rat killer. However, he would have gone about this with far more grace so as to not upset his majesty. )
…th-Thank you.
( What else do you say to something like that? Dimitri had the speed of a demon and crushed the beast with his bare hands before flinging it with such force across the room. Not to mention his bare naked body that Edelgard was struggling to keep her eyes off. )
Um… Excuse me.
( Turning away from him once more. This time to face a wall. Her cheeks were red with a fierce blush. He– She saw his– D-Dimitri didn’t have much of a backside. Yes, that is all she saw. To think he had grown so much in so little time. Not that she had seen it before or anything! )
[Slowly, Dimitri caught his breath and belatedly realised what he must look like naked and covered in soap so close to her feet. For the first time he feels a little embarrassed, slowly getting back up off of his knees. He sways a moment, now that the adrenaline is gone and the pain in his head is coming back to him. He steps backward once and then again and is lucky the bench is close enough for him to fall back onto. He looks at the bloody guts smeared on his hand a moment before rubbing them off onto the wood and water beside him, rather than using Edelgard's washcloth to do it. It might be filthy as he was now, but he's certain she wouldn't appreciate having rat insides on it.]
[It's a little while later he finally takes the last bit of hot clean water and lifts the bucket above his head to rinse the soap off. It almost feels like the pain and torture he'd suffered over five long years was washed away with it. He shakes water off of his hair and face like a dog when he's done, using the back of his arm to rub it out of his bad eyelid when it stings but otherwise, he feels... A lot better.]
[Dimitri sighs, and looks at her back. She's still there, whether she's a phantom of his memories or not.]
Finished.
[Still, in the rational part of his brain he knows he has to have some kind of modesty. Especially after his rat killing performance. The towels she'd brought with them are a bit damp from the steam in the sauna but he unfurls one all the same to cover himself with it. He's too big to do much beyond wrapping it around his waist.]
I... don't know if there are clothes for me to wear.
( Edelgard felt her mouth go dry. The image of his body ingrained in his mind. This was unlike her. She wasn’t distracted by such things. Dimitri stayed so complex in her heart. Ever since those memories of him came back. The days spent in the snow. By the fire. Teaching him to dance. How to be her man…
Those soft lavender eyes blinked, shoving her mind out of whatever gutter it attempted falling into. When she looked over her shoulder there he was… the towel wrapped around this thin waist. Even after five years of mistreatment Dimitri had still grown so large. With some tender loving care he would be fitter than he’d ever been before. Blemishes and sores still yet covered his skin. Suffering under his neglect. However, the steps to recovery had been taken. In time… the blue lion would live once more. )
I’m… sure we can find something for you to wear.
( Hubert was tall, of course he was the first to come to her mind. Though he was far too skinny… Perhaps Ferdinand? Edelgard brushed the thought of his figure from her mind. Feet slapping against the wet floor as she peered outside the door to see how cold it had become. To her surprise, a pair of men’s clothing was sitting just outside. It seems the professor might have had the same idea. Their owner was unknown to Edelgard, bringing the gift inside. Shutting the door of the sauna to keep the warm air inside. )
It seems someone already took the steps of getting you dressed.
( Oddly enough, the shirt might be too big for him… somehow. Holding it out by the shoulders. Her majesty didn’t know Claude’s friends. So she wouldn’t know Raphael was a large man more than big enough to share an outfit or two with Dimitri. Sloppily folding it back up and handing the garments over to Dimitri. Edelgard kept her eyes averted from his body while doing so with a light pink blush on her cheeks. )
Here… dress yourself and we’ll rejoin the others. We can at least check in with them and see who is still awake.
[Dimitri doesn't know (or can't remember?) Claude's friends well either, so the idea of who it could be escapes him. The only person who might have fit these clothes, in his mind, was... Dedue. But Dedue was dead, and gone, and he'd never see him again. Even if teacher and Edelgard and even Claude had returned to him he knew that he truly had left Dedue to die when he had run from Fhirdiad. So he takes the clothes and when she's turned away from him again he drops the towel back down off his hips, only leaving the one he's got draped over his dripping hair.]
[Raphael is somehow even wider than Dimitri. His waist is too thin to keep the trousers up without the belt and when he gets to the buttons on the shirt it's... difficult. Dimitri has never been good at delicate things on top of having been a prince his whole life-- used to having others help dress him. It was a miracle he'd been able to get the armor he'd been wearing on. A few of the buttons snap off under his too-tight grip while he tries fitting them through the holes in the shirt. Frustrated he gives up halfway and closes his eye a moment, steadying his head again as another wave of pain washed over him. When he opens it again his gaze falls on the pile of his rotted, dirty clothes he'd had to peel off of himself earlier. Still barefoot he walks over to them and after rebalancing himself leans down to rummage through the pile.]
[With clothes on this time (or at least, trousers. His shirt is still unbuttoned,) he tapped Edelgard gently on the arm from behind. Almost like a child, nervous and hesitant.]
Here.
[Dimitri's voice is tight and smaller than it's been all evening. He's holding a little dagger in his hand, sheathed in worn leather to protect the blade. Of all the things he had kept clean and free from his delusions, Edelgard's dagger he had kept near pristine. He holds it out to her with the handle pointed toward her. He'd thought of sinking it deep into her heart on more than one occasion. Now he offers her the chance to do the same to him.]
( Her reaction was sharp. Edelgard can remember searching for it the night it had been lost. Paranoia took over, scouring every inch of her bedroom and belongings with no avail. Losing it only made her think about it more. Dimitri’s outburst at the Holy Tome finally answers those lingering questions of its origin. Five long years have passed with those painful, nostalgic memories of old. Back when they were children. Innocent, unknowing, sweet children full of hopes and dreams.
The prince’s gift – “To carve her own path”. The Adrestian Emperor had certainly done her share of carving. Insisting the flames of war that had pledged their lands for five long, devastating years. Edelgard had her share of sins to pay. As does Dimitri.
She accepts the dagger, touching it tenderly, reminded once again of its warm presence. Holding it with the rest of her things. The buttons of his shirt being udon bothering her too much as Edelgard moves in closer to assist. Her small hands working up his chest, eyes fixated on the skin underneath. )
Was this for my heart?
( A hint of sadness in her voice. Upset with him in ways she can barely explain. How he despises her is painfully unfair. Such a selfish man that makes convenient excuses, delusional in his explanations. Was he finally willing to listen to reason? Edelgard worries what is left of Dimitri after all these years.
Her fingers reach his neck. Soft and gentle she pops the button though the hole. Warm hands fixing his collar, adjusting once to keep her boots around her arm. Edelgard wasn’t looking at him but she could tell Dimitri was looking at her. His intense stare made her feel vulnerable. Perhaps, if she were to put it in words, Dimitri would glare at you like the predator gazed at the prey. Right now those focused blue eyes were tired. She could tell he wanted her help… )
—Don’t answer. I already know… Nonetheless I’m happy to have it back. It’s a very special possession of mine.
[It was, Dimitri thinks, but she's already telling him not to answer. He bites it back, watching her tiny hands grab his shirt front and start on his buttons without even asking if he needs help. He should have known how obvious it was he hadn't been able to do it himself. Her fingers are so little, and pink still from helping him wash. He stares as she moves in front of him, doing them up for him until she's pressed the one at his neck closed so gently. Kiss her hands, his brain tells him and he tries to shake the thought away as quickly as it had come. Where was his mind?]
Don't lose it again.
[Don't throw it at him again, don't lodge it in his chest when he least expected it. Don't hurt him with it like you had when he had realised the Flame Emperor's true identity. Slowly he just reaches up to finish drying his hair, throwing the towel down away from him when he's done. His hair is still messy and full of rats needing to be brushed out, but he's clean and he's clothed. He nearly feels human again, despite the throbbing pain in his head. It was dulled now, pulsing behind the hole in his face every few minutes. He could at least hold himself upright now.]
[Dimitri feels the chill immediately when they leave the bathhouse. He's wearing less clothes than he has in a long time, he's barefooted, but it feels almost nice against his sore skin. Like walking out of the bath into the sharp Faerghus cold to brace oneself in the wind. There's not much noise left outside, the rest of the camp gone to sleep or gone to patrol, so when someone nigh materialises in front of them Dimitri almost loses it again.]
[It's only Hubert, with a warm shawl over one arm that he immediately unfurls and presses around Edelgard's shoulders to replace her cape for warmth. He'd known she would be wet from the steam but she's positively soaked. He cannot believe their professor truly made her go through with washing this beast of a man. He doesn't even look at Dimitri.]
Your majesty, there is still work being done on the living quarters but I have made the effort to clean out a bedroom for you and deliver your things there. I have also prepared your night clothes, you must change out of these wet ones as soon as possible.
[Dimitri looked between the two of them briefly, trying to catch up with what was being said as his head throbbed again. He stepped forward, one big hand reaching out to press against Edelgard's tiny shoulders, his one eye boring into Hubert like he was an interloper on the attack. What little bit of trust he felt for Edelgard he could not extend to her Imperial allies, and Hubert was probably the worst of them. He followed them the whole way to her bedroom, the same one she had used in school. What if it still smells like her? Dimitri is still glaring at Hubert, who looks similarly offended that they've been followed, unable to hide the disgust on his face.]
Don't-- [His voice is gravelly and low again, like before,] don't go, El.
[Hubert looks, if possible, more upset than ever.]
You cannot possibly think that it would be appropriate for Lady Edelgard to see you in her bedchambers. I must ask you to leave...
( She quickly went to place her hands on Hubert’s chest. He was a tall man… which made it hard to reach him at times. The way he defended her was rather embarrassing. Like it was his decision to make. )
Hubert! I'll take it from here. You’re dismissed for the evening.
( Edelgard appreciated every inch of her court mage. Right down to his overbearing, overprotective eye. She could feel the intense panic her words are causing as he radiates worry. )
“B-But, your majesty. I couldn't possibly leave you alone with this… this beast.”
( His protest only embarrassed her more. Shoving him down the hall and continuing to plead with him to leave. )
I am more than capable of making that decision on my own, Hubert. Have a good night, please.
( She made her way back to Dimitri once Hubert stopped trying to follow her. Though, he didn’t leave the hallway letting her feel ashamed one last time. Shooing Dimitri into her old bedroom quickly before anyone else could see them. )
… Forgive me, Hubert can be overly concerned about my well being. Even when it is unwarranted.
( Now that they were alone, however. Edelgard wasn’t sure what to do with Dimitri. She still needed to change and these little rooms were never meant for two people. Usually Hubert would help her get undressed but Edelgard was sure she could manage without assistance. Like always… there was just one bed. The day continued to put her in the most unexpected situations. )
If you could give me a moment, Dimitri. Just… stand over there in the corner. I need to change for the night.
( Again, unsure what to do with him. Pointing to the corner of the room like a mother would to a child. She could feel his paranoia raising as the night grew longer and his energy drained. As much as she’s sure Dimitri would love otherwise, sleep will take them both soon enough. )
[Dimitri watched the exchange quietly, though he felt conflicted. He knew the exact sort of relationship that they had, made him miss his own with Dedue, yet he felt annoyed Edelgard was touching him. That she had her hands on his chest so soon after they'd gently buttoned up his shirt. Still, when Hubert is gone (around the corner,) he allows Edelgard to push him in through the door instead anyway. It's the same as before, Hubert really had done a good job cleaning it up, dusting, replacing the mattress with something not half rotting with age. It looked much different from Dimitri's bedroom, which he'd been holed up in for only the Goddess knew how long.]
[He stares at her a moment before just turning to look at the corner of the little bedroom, crossing his arms over himself. It's still cold compared to the bath. He misses her touch. She had touched Hubert's chest, it made him want her scratching his scalp again, or his shoulders. He gripped his hands tighter into fists against the fabric of his shirt. She couldn't disappear now, he could hear her in the room still, and yet... He swallowed down his fear, and decided talking to her would confirm she was still with him even if he couldn't see her. He had to believe that. She's just a voice in your head.]
He is worried about you, I understand.
[You could rip her head off with your bare hands why are you hesitating?!]
( Reaching the buttons and clasps holding her dress in place were challenging but Edeglard managed. The nightgown Hubert had picked was laid out on the bed which she would rather Dimitri didn’t stare at. Trying to be quick about undressing. The dread of wearing her undergarments discouraged their use despite the fact that she would be sharing a bed with a man tonight. No matter… it wasn’t like they would be holding each other. Folding them up with her other clothing, hidden away from his view. Practically jumping into the nightgown before Dimitri saw anything. It was long and white, with frills embroidered at the top. Her other clothing rested neatly on a chair in the bedroom, her high heeled boots beside it along with her one weapon – the dagger.
As for her hair… Well, Edelgard struggled with putting it on and off on her own. Usually if Hubert wasn’t around to help her she would just wear a side ponytail to avoid messing with it entirely. Thankfully she managed without much pain. Her snow white hair had grown even longer over these past five years. Like aforementioned, she pulled it to the side wrapped in a ponytail to sleep in. )
Thank you, I’m dressed now. You’re free to turn around.
( She slipped her bare feet into the slippers Hubert had brought her. They lacked backing, pink in color. Dimitri wasn’t the only one still feeling cold after their sauna adventure. Sitting on the bed, arms in her lap, looking at him with a somewhat tired expression. )
[Dimitri isn't sure what to expect when he turns around. She's somehow even smaller there in her little nightgown, with her hair swept into her side ponytail. He looked at the way the ends fell over her shoulder, at the fabric of the gown, at everything about her. The slightest hint of her nipples, bare under the nightgown, was obvious as his eye skimmed over every inch of her. Her little feet practically disappeared into the soft looking slippers. When she sat down he crossed the room to sit with her too, but hesitated, looking back up to her face. She did look exhausted, and he felt it, but he couldn't allow himself the comfort of sleep.]
I should sleep on the floor, then.
[It was common courtesy enough to let the lady have the bed, that much he knew still even after all these years. Yet he still lingered there on his feet, gazing down at her. He couldn't sleep, even if he wanted to. He couldn't let her disappear.]
( Staring up at him looking down at her with those hungry blue eyes continued that feeling of vulnerability. To be honest, Edelgard hadn’t felt like this for a long time… When the professor gazed at her in classes she couldn’t help but feel something similar. As if you could see right through her. All her plans and ideas… all her schemes and secrets. Dimitri didn’t appear quite as methodical — his was very much a strong desire. )
You should rest in bed…
( Yet, she stops herself from finishing. Her violet eyes looked side to side… the mattress wasn’t exactly meant for two. Edelgard isn’t sure why she hadn’t considered that already but all their interactions had left her mind distracted. She had somehow imagined they would both have room between them. The thought of spending the night so close to him made her thighs squeeze tight.
What was she doing allowing herself such ideas? )
We can share it. ( Her eyes darted away while the words left her lips ) Unless you disapprove of such things.
( Edelgard’s brain knew otherwise, they shouldn’t be doing this, especially with how Dimitri’s mind had been when she found him only hours before – what it was like right now, yet once she managed to speak her words betray her. It wasn’t the only thing that betrayed her either…
Maybe it was a mixture of things. She had grown tired of Hubert’s rejections. Ever since they were teens she’d been trying to court him to no avail. They had done things – he was just a man, after all. All men have their breaking points. But nothing truly intimate on the level she’d been seeking. They had never dated. The two of them only ever touched through the clothing. Her sweet Hubert worried about “her image” more than himself and at times Edelgard struggled understanding his complicated feelings on the matter. He wanted her love but in a very different way. Perhaps that’s why the subject of “men” has been off putting for so long. Their rejection would sting too badly. What was a man to do with her broken body but use it?
…And, yet…. This fluttering rush of girlish emotion overtakes her. Edelgard had fed him, bathed him, dressed him… and now they were to share a bed together. The boy from her memories was grown, tethered and broken. He needed her support. That healing touch of compassion. Not thinking about her war, or teacher, or even what came tomorrow. Only Dimitri. It made her feel stupid somewhere in the more logical part of her brain. )
[Dimitri isn't sure if it's real when she offers to share it. It's a small bed, fit for teenagers in their academy years. He'd nearly outgrown his own back then in his first year at Garreg Mach. His feet hung off the edge if he didn't curl up on it. Sharing it with El would be... a tight fit indeed. But then he remembers her hands in his hair, scratching his scalp until he'd drooled. He remembers her hands on Hubert's chest, pushing him back from them. Dimitri sits next to her on the bed, his heavier weight making the mattress bounce slightly. Her thigh presses against the side of his own. Compared to him she's so little, she barely reaches his shoulder sitting down.]
[He takes her little hands suddenly. He can't stop looking at them.]
I won't hurt you.
[A strange thing to say so suddenly. Dimitri's voice is gravely as before, but he clearly has conviction behind his words. Everything in his mind is telling him to grab her and throttle her, voices of corpses begging him to take her head from her shoulders-- but he focuses on her little hands instead, lifting them to press against the sides of his face. He couldn't hurt her, wouldn't hurt her. Not his El.]
I won't... I can't. I promise...
[His lone eye finally looks back to her face, meeting her gaze, as his lips brush the palm of her hand.]
( Feeling his lips against her palms makes Edelgard turn red in the face. Their reunion was progressing their relationship rather quickly. Almost too quickly… right? When Dimitri mentions that he won’t hurt her it reminds El that things aren’t quite normal for him. That he was sick mentally, not just physically. That Hubert had every right to be worried about them sharing a bedroom. That Dimtiri could still snap and attack her. Why did she continue pushing his behavior to the side to chase some girlish fantasy? Was it his pleading words or soft touches? Something about Faerghus’s lost king made her weak. )
G-Good… I’d expect nothing less. I’ve been nothing but nice to you—
( She stops herself from any further bitching… it won’t help the situation.
The way he stared at her so intently. Edelgard continued to struggle, looking him in the eye when she spoke but directing it elsewhere after the fact. Nothing could shake her shyness. She half wanted to simply jump him and end this back and forth. Remove this awful timidness from the conversation entirely. Take control and dominate. Do everything for him physically and emotionally for the best of both of them.
And, yet… Even after all the waring and politics. All the arguments, all the fighting… the death and how numb everything makes you. She still would rather the boy she liked take the steps to court her over Edelgard doing everything for him. She would rather he kissed her first – tell her he loved her first – asked to court her first… Such childish desires expected from someone that could barely stay within reality. )
…I definitely want to see you sleep in a bed tonight. You were closer to death's door than you realize. ( I care about you, Dimitri ) In fact, please don’t sleep on the floor any longer. ( That’s unbecoming of a man that wears a crown. ) It’s not only degrading, but you can’t allow your health to drop any further. ( You’ll die. You’ll die and leave nothing behind. )
You have so much more to live for.
( A kingdom, a wife, children and people who love him. Things that Edelgard can only imagine. With her broken, destroyed body no heir will come from her. No husband that she’d like – no point in taking one. If all goes her way, which she will continue to fight for, teachers' wishes or otherwise, she’ll be able to pass on her legacy to someone worthy enough to protect her ideals. It is Edelgard’s dreams that will pass onto the next life. It’s something she’s known for a long time. Despite her tropes loyalties she knows deep down she can’t see them as anything but pawns until the very last battle is won. Her painful discontent with humanity leaves the Emperor feeling hollow. This monster in front of her the only thing that seems to make her feel tonight. )
[Something rises in his chest as she lectures him, however gently. A neat scolding, even while she lets him kiss her hands. Somehow the combination of her gentle touches and firm, even voice clicks just right, makes him feel calm. If he's lucky, he thinks, she might keep doing this. Something young and boyish makes the thought feel embarrassing as he watches her, leaning his right cheek against her little hand in his, letting her fingers so close to his aching eye socket. Despite everything, or perhaps because of everything, he feels trust blossom in his chest. Hopelessly naïve, Dimitri. Optimistic to a fault. They are her words from long ago in his head, not the whispering of the dead this time. He kisses her wrist where he can feel scars that had built up there under his lips.]
I will ...simply have to listen to your advice.
[Regardless of the coherency of his sentences suddenly, he was still delusional enough to keep her little hands close to his face, press his lips against her skin.]
[It made him feel so... It was so...]
It's so quiet now. [He's closed his eye at some point, his blond lashes flutter against his cheek as he opens it again to gaze at her.]
Just... Suddenly very quiet, El. It must be time for sleep.
[But he didn't mean noise in the hallway, of course not.]
[His memory of her scathing voice chiding him, teasing him in academy had chased the voices away for just a moment's peace.]
( When Dimitri laid his lips against her wrists it stirred a mixture of emotions. The thing about her that made Edelgard feel so undesirable. Those reminders whenever she would gaze into a mirror. The thought of him acknowledging them spurred fear yet his sweet kiss eased her otherwise. She had to pull away. Even if his touch felt healing it could only lead to more hurt. Her heart thumped like a drum.
A deep breath as she stood up, wanting Dimitri to lay against the wall. Considering his size, it would be easier for Edelgard to find a position once he was settled. Doing so with very little room to spare. She was basically on the edge of the mattress if she wasn’t pressed against his chest. In their current circumstance Edelgard would much rather face him than… spoon him. They would just have to make room for her arms somehow between them. Wrapping them around him felt far too intimate. Resting her palms against his chest. )
I… I have very little room, s-so–
( Listen to her? Edelgard was falling apart. No longer feeling like herself. Everything about this was unlike her. She asks again; what is she doing? And with a very sick man. Dimitri’s breath was warm against her face as she gazed up at him with wide violet eyes. So large and intimidating even when lying down. Not that she was scared of him. Rather, she feared what he thought of her more than anything he could do. Her feet barely touched his ankles if she stretched out perfectly straight. )
–We will have to manage.
you could both fit on the bed if you laid on his chest el 👀🥴
[Dimitri maneuvers himself the way she wants, back to the wall. He prefers it that way, being able to face the door and still see with his good eye. The other he gingerly let press into the top of his arm where he'd laid it up over the pillows above her head to give her more room. Seeing her like this in her nightgown, sprawled next to him in the sheets... Well, it certainly would have been far too much for the Dimitri long ago in academy. He thinks briefly about what he'd have felt like had she invited him here then, as silly teenagers trying to feel something normal... He swallows and meets her gaze.]
[He has to bend his knees just slightly to keep his feet on the bed and in the small space between them he feels his legs gently press against hers.]
Is this fine?
[Somehow the predicament of it, sharing a bed with a girl he'd liked for... over a decade now, somehow made him feel just a bit more normal. The feeling of her hands on his chest is so calming somehow. He wants to kiss her fingers, her palms, up her scarred wrists. Dimitri focuses on her to brush the sudden thoughts away.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
👉👈can he use his good boy points for one (1) dance el
[If that Dimitri still existed at all, he would have been just as focused on her soft touches and gentle words. Watched her move around so gracefully, as she took care of him. If they were still in academy like this, Dimitri surely would have perished from his own blushing. After all, the sauna heat did get to both of them. In fact, Dimitri takes the red in her face as a biproduct of the heat from the steam. Like before, when their classmates would tease them from having to tap out of sauna time early. Even Dimitri, from the land of ice and snow, wasn't able to stand the heat.]
Well... I'll have to. [He clears his throat, for the first time attempting to knock the gravel out of it.]
--T-to ask you later. After.
[He reacts a little differently to the comment of his smell, his brow furrowing a little. He'd heard other people (Hilda) at dinner mention the same but he supposed he'd simply gotten too used to it to notice anymore. The scent of her soap was so incredible compared to whatever filth he'd been living in he couldn't smell anything else right now. It was sort of relieving in a way, to know his sense of smell hadn't really been taken from him along with his sense of taste. At least... at least he had that. Slowly Dimitri moves his hands from her shoulders so she can keep cleaning him up, dropping them to his lap.]
I'll let you wash me.
[Dimitri's a little too far gone to realise how that sounds... But he's being pitiful and gentle in the very least. Anything to make his head stop burning.]
okay back to this sad, adorable shit
The thought of warming him came to mind, but with how Dimitri was at the moment it sounded better to just shove him around to get him into the positions that worked best. Fingers tipped his chin back. Brushing his long, untamed bangs from his face. She did her best to keep the water on the edge of his scalp. Sitting up on her knees just to climb the tall man. )
I can’t imagine how you’ll feel once we’re finished, Dimitri. I can’t believe you’re even alive in this condition... Just bare with me.
( Back to “mothering” him. The man was rambling nonsense while jumping back and forth between reality and insanity. Gentle words worked best. Though scolding seem to affect him as well.
The bath water was a nice temperature, hot enough to cleanse his aching body. You could hear the sound of the water hitting the bench beneath them as the pale was dumped. Another sigh as she once again leaned over to fish around in her things. Next comes the shampoo. He would simply have to smell like a woman for now there was nothing Edelgard could do about that. Her fingers dug into his hair, scratching his scalp, nails breaking up the dead skin. The back of his skull was his warm spot, having collected much of the scabs. She could tell it was drawing blood but… she refused to allow it to fester any longer. He would pay the price for this mistreatment. At least he was getting clean. )
lays on the ground
[But he behaves as best he can.]
[Her nails, somehow, feel better than any scratching he could do himself (probably the soap, Dima,) and it soothes him almost immediately. His good eye has been squeezed shut tightly to keep anything from going into it (terrifying,) but as she digs her nails into him he starts to relax. It feels good, too good, when she scratches. He lets out a deep sigh and sinks down a bit to give her a better angle to reach every spot she felt like, grumbling pleasantly. She was so small, he kept forgetting. With his eye closed he couldn't see her, only feel her, and it was...]
Feels good... already.
[His voice has been soft and low the whole time they've been in the bathhouse but now it's downright faint. Certainly not the booming, scared voice he'd used earlier with her in the cathedral. His other hand moves up to cover his good eye (now he looks like a child at bath time,) to let her move his head all around however she needs to wash him. His hair needs brushed and definitely cut but for now getting it clean like this would have to do. Under the muck and grime was the same flaxen blond hair he'd always had. The blond that matched his eyelashes. Even as she scratched away bloody scabs it felt better. Any kind of pain was less than the pain behind his missing eye and a welcome distraction.]
Perhaps... Spite alone. [In reference to "how are you even alive, Dimitri".]
pets his belly
Edelgard did the best she could with his hair. Some of the worst rats were in the back where she assumed he would twist and turn throughout the night. Tangled terribly, it would need to be cut. She couldn’t picture trying to run a brush through it in its current state. However, even with all the rats and knots, it was slowly coming out that bright golden blonde. He really did end up looking like his father… That had been so long ago. Faintly she remembers her mother commenting on how handsome Lambert was while she stuck her tongue out at the idea. Adults and their gross ideas of each other. Such an innocent time… Edelgard had Dimitri and his dagger to thank for those memories. )
How’s that feel? Better?
( Her nails scratched behind his ears and around the hairline, back against his neck where all the sweat collected. Tilting his chin once more when it was time to rinse him off. The water that fell to the ground was filthy. Much like he had been… Edelgard still sayed rather unsure about her bare arms and wrists in his view but Dimitri was so out of it perhaps it didn’t matter. The scars from her childhood were visible where veins could be easily accessed. It made her feel ugly, disgusting — like a monster. )
You’re starting to look more like the prince I once knew. Though, I’ll admit, you’ve gotten taller and wider since we last met.
( She refused to wash anything like his grotesque armpits or anything below his waist. Once his hair was rinsed, however, she did fill the pale up once more with warm water. )
I won’t be helping you any further. I’ll be right outside to give you your privacy. Do wash the rest.
( Edelgard whipped her face and hands clean with one of her own washcloths before Dimitri’s stink touched them. Leaving the cloth with an embroidered “E” in the coroner on the side of the pale while discarding the one used on his face. It wasn’t salvaged… best to just toss it rather than expect someone to clean it. Gathering his things, her high heels which she had taken off for the bathhouse hooked between her fingers. She left her soaps and other hygiene products with him. They all fit nicely into a little pink bag that was designated for bathing… Hubert was a bit meticulous when it came to managing her belongings… )
🐶🐶
[Dimitri wants to reach out, to grab onto her and not let her go. His stomach sinks, churning with the food from dinner at the idea.]
Will you go away again?
[Voice small and pitiful as before. He looks back up to her face, water clinging to his long blond eyelashes. His useless eyelid flutters reflexively as he focuses on her.]
[He chokes on a lump in his throat.]
Will you disappear?
[Dimitri can wash himself, has enough sense left to know he can't expect her to do it. But he doesn't want to take his gaze off of her. Just in case... just in case...]
no subject
No, you have nothing to fear for I fully plan on staying right outside the sauna.
( The realization that Dimitri clearly won’t believe that hits. His brain was very ill. Whatever being alone like this has caused it affected him in extreme ways. The floor was wet underneath her from the water splashing. Cold against her feet. Cold like loneliness… Edelgard can’t help but wonder what would become of her if she lost as much as he has. A rare empathy she doesn’t extend so casually. )
Or… would you rather me stay?
( She could… turn around and face the door, perhaps… That was a kindness Edelgard wouldn’t have expressed to just anyone. Her feelings for Dimitri are growing more complicated by the minute. The time they spend together is dangerous. What would healing him mean for her future? )
no subject
I... If you would.
[He even tried to make good on his word, finally unclasping his hand from the wooden bench to take the soap left over and the rag she's left. It smells like her too, his thumb brushes over the hand stitched E in the fabric. He starts to soap up the rag, the habits of washing ingrained in him enough to remember how to do it without faltering.]
[He's been dead for so long, but he could still do this. His voice sounds broken. Dimitri feels like he might cry, if she leaves him and he never sees her again. He looks back to her, desperate.]
Just... Please. Don't leave me alone.
🐁
When they were children… his pleading, pitiful blabbering didn’t create an ounce of empathy for her. But now? Looking at a broken man, tired and lost… alone. His kingdom was stolen, his pride robbed. What was left felt like a shell of someone she once knew.
She didn’t say anything. Staying put for Dimitri like he requested. Her mind began to wonder while waiting so patiently. Did he look just as poor under his trousers? His undershirt had been stuck to his skin with sweat, remembering how it tugged when she pleaded it off his body. She– She shouldn’t think of what lurks in his trousers… Such things were unbecoming. Edelgard remained lost in that thought on whether to think below the waist while the water dripped on the sauna floor as their only sound. So lost that she might have never even noticed the mouse at her feet if not for the small squeak.
A dreadful, awful, sound as the small creature scampered across the floor. Unable to hold back the scream that came from her lips. A girlish, terrified screech as she backed away uncontrollably. Still so afraid of rodents and other small beasts. )
D-Dimitri!
( Kill it! Petrified in fear, unable to even finish her command. )
🔪🔪🐭💀 animal death warning ig lol hi whoever is reading this fanfiction
[That awful scratching noise they made, the squeaks and chatter as they ran across his chest in the night. He could feel their teeth biting into his flesh, their little paws scratching at his face. The sound drove him, well, crazy even more so than the barking of dogs or the caterwauling of the cats that still scrounged around the monastery for food and shelter. The rats, the damned filthy rats! She didn't even have to scream his name by the time he was off the bench, his anger at the little creature enough to bypass the physical weakness that had been threatening to overtake him since before she took him into the bath.]
Filthy, vile-- damned-- creatures!
[It wasn't often a man could catch something as small as a mouse with his hands, but Dimitri had practice. Like a cat (or a lion?) pouncing, still half covered in soap, Dimitri lunged for the creature so fast he didn't realise he'd nearly knocked into Edelgard with one of his wide shoulders. Depth perception was still something he struggled with and with her to the right of him he hadn't gauged the distance well. That didn't matter to him though, as he snatched up the vermin in one big hand and squeezed until it popped.]
[Panting, knelt at her feet naked as the day he was born, Dimitri made sure the mouse was dead in his hand before throwing it as far away from her as he could into a dark corner of the bathhouse for someone else to find later.]
Dead... It's dead. It's quiet. It won't make noise anymore.
[Almost as if he's talking to himself.]
im in tears
Usually, Hubert was her designated rat killer. However, he would have gone about this with far more grace so as to not upset his majesty. )
…th-Thank you.
( What else do you say to something like that? Dimitri had the speed of a demon and crushed the beast with his bare hands before flinging it with such force across the room. Not to mention his bare naked body that Edelgard was struggling to keep her eyes off. )
Um… Excuse me.
( Turning away from him once more. This time to face a wall. Her cheeks were red with a fierce blush. He– She saw his–
D-Dimitri didn’t have much of a backside. Yes, that is all she saw. To think he had grown so much in so little time. Not that she had seen it before or anything! )
sad thread becomes comedy hours rip mickey mouse
[It's a little while later he finally takes the last bit of hot clean water and lifts the bucket above his head to rinse the soap off. It almost feels like the pain and torture he'd suffered over five long years was washed away with it. He shakes water off of his hair and face like a dog when he's done, using the back of his arm to rub it out of his bad eyelid when it stings but otherwise, he feels... A lot better.]
[Dimitri sighs, and looks at her back. She's still there, whether she's a phantom of his memories or not.]
Finished.
[Still, in the rational part of his brain he knows he has to have some kind of modesty. Especially after his rat killing performance. The towels she'd brought with them are a bit damp from the steam in the sauna but he unfurls one all the same to cover himself with it. He's too big to do much beyond wrapping it around his waist.]
I... don't know if there are clothes for me to wear.
[Who else was as big as Dimitri?]
no subject
Those soft lavender eyes blinked, shoving her mind out of whatever gutter it attempted falling into. When she looked over her shoulder there he was… the towel wrapped around this thin waist. Even after five years of mistreatment Dimitri had still grown so large. With some tender loving care he would be fitter than he’d ever been before. Blemishes and sores still yet covered his skin. Suffering under his neglect. However, the steps to recovery had been taken. In time… the blue lion would live once more. )
I’m… sure we can find something for you to wear.
( Hubert was tall, of course he was the first to come to her mind. Though he was far too skinny… Perhaps Ferdinand? Edelgard brushed the thought of his figure from her mind. Feet slapping against the wet floor as she peered outside the door to see how cold it had become. To her surprise, a pair of men’s clothing was sitting just outside. It seems the professor might have had the same idea. Their owner was unknown to Edelgard, bringing the gift inside. Shutting the door of the sauna to keep the warm air inside. )
It seems someone already took the steps of getting you dressed.
( Oddly enough, the shirt might be too big for him… somehow. Holding it out by the shoulders. Her majesty didn’t know Claude’s friends. So she wouldn’t know Raphael was a large man more than big enough to share an outfit or two with Dimitri. Sloppily folding it back up and handing the garments over to Dimitri. Edelgard kept her eyes averted from his body while doing so with a light pink blush on her cheeks. )
Here… dress yourself and we’ll rejoin the others. We can at least check in with them and see who is still awake.
/shy didi
[Raphael is somehow even wider than Dimitri. His waist is too thin to keep the trousers up without the belt and when he gets to the buttons on the shirt it's... difficult. Dimitri has never been good at delicate things on top of having been a prince his whole life-- used to having others help dress him. It was a miracle he'd been able to get the armor he'd been wearing on. A few of the buttons snap off under his too-tight grip while he tries fitting them through the holes in the shirt. Frustrated he gives up halfway and closes his eye a moment, steadying his head again as another wave of pain washed over him. When he opens it again his gaze falls on the pile of his rotted, dirty clothes he'd had to peel off of himself earlier. Still barefoot he walks over to them and after rebalancing himself leans down to rummage through the pile.]
[With clothes on this time (or at least, trousers. His shirt is still unbuttoned,) he tapped Edelgard gently on the arm from behind. Almost like a child, nervous and hesitant.]
Here.
[Dimitri's voice is tight and smaller than it's been all evening. He's holding a little dagger in his hand, sheathed in worn leather to protect the blade. Of all the things he had kept clean and free from his delusions, Edelgard's dagger he had kept near pristine. He holds it out to her with the handle pointed toward her. He'd thought of sinking it deep into her heart on more than one occasion. Now he offers her the chance to do the same to him.]
It's yours. Have it back.
no subject
The prince’s gift – “To carve her own path”. The Adrestian Emperor had certainly done her share of carving. Insisting the flames of war that had pledged their lands for five long, devastating years. Edelgard had her share of sins to pay. As does Dimitri.
She accepts the dagger, touching it tenderly, reminded once again of its warm presence. Holding it with the rest of her things. The buttons of his shirt being udon bothering her too much as Edelgard moves in closer to assist. Her small hands working up his chest, eyes fixated on the skin underneath. )
Was this for my heart?
( A hint of sadness in her voice. Upset with him in ways she can barely explain. How he despises her is painfully unfair. Such a selfish man that makes convenient excuses, delusional in his explanations. Was he finally willing to listen to reason? Edelgard worries what is left of Dimitri after all these years.
Her fingers reach his neck. Soft and gentle she pops the button though the hole. Warm hands fixing his collar, adjusting once to keep her boots around her arm. Edelgard wasn’t looking at him but she could tell Dimitri was looking at her. His intense stare made her feel vulnerable. Perhaps, if she were to put it in words, Dimitri would glare at you like the predator gazed at the prey. Right now those focused blue eyes were tired. She could tell he wanted her help… )
—Don’t answer. I already know… Nonetheless I’m happy to have it back. It’s a very special possession of mine.
no subject
Don't lose it again.
[Don't throw it at him again, don't lodge it in his chest when he least expected it. Don't hurt him with it like you had when he had realised the Flame Emperor's true identity. Slowly he just reaches up to finish drying his hair, throwing the towel down away from him when he's done. His hair is still messy and full of rats needing to be brushed out, but he's clean and he's clothed. He nearly feels human again, despite the throbbing pain in his head. It was dulled now, pulsing behind the hole in his face every few minutes. He could at least hold himself upright now.]
[Dimitri feels the chill immediately when they leave the bathhouse. He's wearing less clothes than he has in a long time, he's barefooted, but it feels almost nice against his sore skin. Like walking out of the bath into the sharp Faerghus cold to brace oneself in the wind. There's not much noise left outside, the rest of the camp gone to sleep or gone to patrol, so when someone nigh materialises in front of them Dimitri almost loses it again.]
[It's only Hubert, with a warm shawl over one arm that he immediately unfurls and presses around Edelgard's shoulders to replace her cape for warmth. He'd known she would be wet from the steam but she's positively soaked. He cannot believe their professor truly made her go through with washing this beast of a man. He doesn't even look at Dimitri.]
Your majesty, there is still work being done on the living quarters but I have made the effort to clean out a bedroom for you and deliver your things there. I have also prepared your night clothes, you must change out of these wet ones as soon as possible.
[Dimitri looked between the two of them briefly, trying to catch up with what was being said as his head throbbed again. He stepped forward, one big hand reaching out to press against Edelgard's tiny shoulders, his one eye boring into Hubert like he was an interloper on the attack. What little bit of trust he felt for Edelgard he could not extend to her Imperial allies, and Hubert was probably the worst of them. He followed them the whole way to her bedroom, the same one she had used in school. What if it still smells like her? Dimitri is still glaring at Hubert, who looks similarly offended that they've been followed, unable to hide the disgust on his face.]
Don't-- [His voice is gravelly and low again, like before,] don't go, El.
[Hubert looks, if possible, more upset than ever.]
You cannot possibly think that it would be appropriate for Lady Edelgard to see you in her bedchambers. I must ask you to leave...
hubby icon
Hubert! I'll take it from here. You’re dismissed for the evening.
( Edelgard appreciated every inch of her court mage. Right down to his overbearing, overprotective eye. She could feel the intense panic her words are causing as he radiates worry. )
“B-But, your majesty. I couldn't possibly leave you alone with this… this beast.”
( His protest only embarrassed her more. Shoving him down the hall and continuing to plead with him to leave. )
I am more than capable of making that decision on my own, Hubert. Have a good night, please.
( She made her way back to Dimitri once Hubert stopped trying to follow her. Though, he didn’t leave the hallway letting her feel ashamed one last time. Shooing Dimitri into her old bedroom quickly before anyone else could see them. )
… Forgive me, Hubert can be overly concerned about my well being. Even when it is unwarranted.
( Now that they were alone, however. Edelgard wasn’t sure what to do with Dimitri. She still needed to change and these little rooms were never meant for two people. Usually Hubert would help her get undressed but Edelgard was sure she could manage without assistance. Like always… there was just one bed. The day continued to put her in the most unexpected situations. )
If you could give me a moment, Dimitri. Just… stand over there in the corner. I need to change for the night.
( Again, unsure what to do with him. Pointing to the corner of the room like a mother would to a child. She could feel his paranoia raising as the night grew longer and his energy drained. As much as she’s sure Dimitri would love otherwise, sleep will take them both soon enough. )
no subject
[He stares at her a moment before just turning to look at the corner of the little bedroom, crossing his arms over himself. It's still cold compared to the bath. He misses her touch. She had touched Hubert's chest, it made him want her scratching his scalp again, or his shoulders. He gripped his hands tighter into fists against the fabric of his shirt. She couldn't disappear now, he could hear her in the room still, and yet... He swallowed down his fear, and decided talking to her would confirm she was still with him even if he couldn't see her. He had to believe that. She's just a voice in your head.]
He is worried about you, I understand.
[You could rip her head off with your bare hands why are you hesitating?!]
It is good that he brought you something warm.
no subject
As for her hair… Well, Edelgard struggled with putting it on and off on her own. Usually if Hubert wasn’t around to help her she would just wear a side ponytail to avoid messing with it entirely. Thankfully she managed without much pain. Her snow white hair had grown even longer over these past five years. Like aforementioned, she pulled it to the side wrapped in a ponytail to sleep in. )
Thank you, I’m dressed now. You’re free to turn around.
( She slipped her bare feet into the slippers Hubert had brought her. They lacked backing, pink in color. Dimitri wasn’t the only one still feeling cold after their sauna adventure. Sitting on the bed, arms in her lap, looking at him with a somewhat tired expression. )
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I should sleep on the floor, then.
[It was common courtesy enough to let the lady have the bed, that much he knew still even after all these years. Yet he still lingered there on his feet, gazing down at her. He couldn't sleep, even if he wanted to. He couldn't let her disappear.]
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You should rest in bed…
( Yet, she stops herself from finishing. Her violet eyes looked side to side… the mattress wasn’t exactly meant for two. Edelgard isn’t sure why she hadn’t considered that already but all their interactions had left her mind distracted. She had somehow imagined they would both have room between them. The thought of spending the night so close to him made her thighs squeeze tight.
What was she doing allowing herself such ideas? )
We can share it. ( Her eyes darted away while the words left her lips ) Unless you disapprove of such things.
( Edelgard’s brain knew otherwise, they shouldn’t be doing this, especially with how Dimitri’s mind had been when she found him only hours before – what it was like right now, yet once she managed to speak her words betray her. It wasn’t the only thing that betrayed her either…
Maybe it was a mixture of things. She had grown tired of Hubert’s rejections. Ever since they were teens she’d been trying to court him to no avail. They had done things – he was just a man, after all. All men have their breaking points. But nothing truly intimate on the level she’d been seeking. They had never dated. The two of them only ever touched through the clothing. Her sweet Hubert worried about “her image” more than himself and at times Edelgard struggled understanding his complicated feelings on the matter. He wanted her love but in a very different way. Perhaps that’s why the subject of “men” has been off putting for so long. Their rejection would sting too badly. What was a man to do with her broken body but use it?
…And, yet…. This fluttering rush of girlish emotion overtakes her. Edelgard had fed him, bathed him, dressed him… and now they were to share a bed together. The boy from her memories was grown, tethered and broken. He needed her support. That healing touch of compassion. Not thinking about her war, or teacher, or even what came tomorrow. Only Dimitri. It made her feel stupid somewhere in the more logical part of her brain. )
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[He takes her little hands suddenly. He can't stop looking at them.]
I won't hurt you.
[A strange thing to say so suddenly. Dimitri's voice is gravely as before, but he clearly has conviction behind his words. Everything in his mind is telling him to grab her and throttle her, voices of corpses begging him to take her head from her shoulders-- but he focuses on her little hands instead, lifting them to press against the sides of his face. He couldn't hurt her, wouldn't hurt her. Not his El.]
I won't... I can't. I promise...
[His lone eye finally looks back to her face, meeting her gaze, as his lips brush the palm of her hand.]
/dramatic. sorry lol
G-Good… I’d expect nothing less. I’ve been nothing but nice to you—
( She stops herself from any further bitching… it won’t help the situation.
The way he stared at her so intently. Edelgard continued to struggle, looking him in the eye when she spoke but directing it elsewhere after the fact. Nothing could shake her shyness. She half wanted to simply jump him and end this back and forth. Remove this awful timidness from the conversation entirely. Take control and dominate. Do everything for him physically and emotionally for the best of both of them.
And, yet… Even after all the waring and politics. All the arguments, all the fighting… the death and how numb everything makes you. She still would rather the boy she liked take the steps to court her over Edelgard doing everything for him. She would rather he kissed her first – tell her he loved her first – asked to court her first… Such childish desires expected from someone that could barely stay within reality. )
…I definitely want to see you sleep in a bed tonight. You were closer to death's door than you realize. ( I care about you, Dimitri ) In fact, please don’t sleep on the floor any longer. ( That’s unbecoming of a man that wears a crown. ) It’s not only degrading, but you can’t allow your health to drop any further. ( You’ll die. You’ll die and leave nothing behind. )
You have so much more to live for.
( A kingdom, a wife, children and people who love him. Things that Edelgard can only imagine. With her broken, destroyed body no heir will come from her. No husband that she’d like – no point in taking one. If all goes her way, which she will continue to fight for, teachers' wishes or otherwise, she’ll be able to pass on her legacy to someone worthy enough to protect her ideals. It is Edelgard’s dreams that will pass onto the next life. It’s something she’s known for a long time. Despite her tropes loyalties she knows deep down she can’t see them as anything but pawns until the very last battle is won. Her painful discontent with humanity leaves the Emperor feeling hollow. This monster in front of her the only thing that seems to make her feel tonight. )
girl dramatic is my middle name
I will ...simply have to listen to your advice.
[Regardless of the coherency of his sentences suddenly, he was still delusional enough to keep her little hands close to his face, press his lips against her skin.]
[It made him feel so... It was so...]
It's so quiet now. [He's closed his eye at some point, his blond lashes flutter against his cheek as he opens it again to gaze at her.]
Just... Suddenly very quiet, El. It must be time for sleep.
[But he didn't mean noise in the hallway, of course not.]
[His memory of her scathing voice chiding him, teasing him in academy had chased the voices away for just a moment's peace.]
will they fuck?
A deep breath as she stood up, wanting Dimitri to lay against the wall. Considering his size, it would be easier for Edelgard to find a position once he was settled. Doing so with very little room to spare. She was basically on the edge of the mattress if she wasn’t pressed against his chest. In their current circumstance Edelgard would much rather face him than… spoon him. They would just have to make room for her arms somehow between them. Wrapping them around him felt far too intimate. Resting her palms against his chest. )
I… I have very little room, s-so–
( Listen to her? Edelgard was falling apart. No longer feeling like herself. Everything about this was unlike her. She asks again; what is she doing? And with a very sick man. Dimitri’s breath was warm against her face as she gazed up at him with wide violet eyes. So large and intimidating even when lying down. Not that she was scared of him. Rather, she feared what he thought of her more than anything he could do. Her feet barely touched his ankles if she stretched out perfectly straight. )
–We will have to manage.
you could both fit on the bed if you laid on his chest el 👀🥴
[He has to bend his knees just slightly to keep his feet on the bed and in the small space between them he feels his legs gently press against hers.]
Is this fine?
[Somehow the predicament of it, sharing a bed with a girl he'd liked for... over a decade now, somehow made him feel just a bit more normal. The feeling of her hands on his chest is so calming somehow. He wants to kiss her fingers, her palms, up her scarred wrists. Dimitri focuses on her to brush the sudden thoughts away.]
Come closer, if you need.
noooo!!! she would die
he'd keep you extra warm 🥰🥰
no icon moment
i only have neutral to feral expressions none of them work for this either lol
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*trying to have a romantic moment with the girl he likes* his brain: lmao bet
she wishes dimitri's mental illness wouldn't get in the way of her romantic moment
"didi could you just stop being mentally ill for one fucking second thx 💋"
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writes my baby dimigard fanfiction
comment 69 was el putting lip gloss on him I just realized B)
👄💄💏
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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imagine i have an icon where his eye is welling up with tears in a pretty cry way
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it took 14 years but he finally got the girl 😌 perseverance
when the tsundere takes 14 years but she finally dates you.... baka
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fuck im crying lol
when the blorbos make u cry
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